The Shattering of Pride ...

You are the hero of your own story … until you are its villain.  None of us imagine ourselves as a villain.  We can always point to many others who are worse than we are.  For instance, Hitler and Cruella DeVille were worse than we are (though if we have to go that far for our frame of reference, we may be in a bit of trouble).  Yet inevitably a choice is made that is less than ideal.  And before you know it, that choice leads to another, and a path is formed.  As decisions become easier, and as villainy becomes more tolerable, we find ourselves the frame of reference for others to cite as being worse than them. 

The villain disputes the charge of being the villain; how could they do otherwise, how could we.  But heroic actions become rare in our world for a reason, few remain on the path of a hero.  It takes self-sacrifice to be a hero.  So we would rather lower the bar for being a hero and just say everyone is a hero – effectively making no one a hero, and the term meaningless.  But we are far more reluctant to call out villains for being villains; and completely unwilling to call everyone a villain.  But it is easy to be something that requires no self-sacrifice.  In our age only political rivals dare to call each other villain.  And they are right.  But they have far too limited a looking glass.

We want to think of ourselves in a positive light.  Even spiritual or religious people, perhaps particularly those types of people, “want” to see themselves as somehow better than they were.  But in truth, it is far easier to rely on comparison, than on thorough self-analysis, to really see if we are truly better.  “I sin less” is an OK mantra; but nowhere near as nice as “I am done with sin”.  With exposure to religious things and thinking, over time a temptation is formed to believe … “my time with the Lord has made me a better person”.  Nearly all of us would say that.  And all of us would be wrong.  It is not our “time” with the Lord that ends the desire to sin in us, it is the power of transformation that Jesus alone accomplishes.

Jesus can transform in us, what we could never truly change.  And only Jesus can do it.  It does not happen because we spend some magic amount of time “being” a Christian.  It happens because we submit our will, our desires, even our thinking, to Jesus to do with whatever He wants.  We change because of that submission, and His love for us.  Not because we were called ourselves Christian for fifty years, or read the Bible 10 times, or prayed 20 hours a week for 10 years.  Numbers are not the thing.  Passion is the thing.  Passion for others, that only Jesus can truly give you.  Otherwise you see others just like you did yesterday; as obstacles to your happiness, things you can use to find happiness, or objects you could care less about.  Not exactly Christian.  And that is the point.

When we reach a point in our own story where we could care less about other people; “we” are the villain.  Maybe we treat family “decently”, and maybe friends “tolerably”, but strangers are nothing but cannon fodder in our minds in general.  We are quick to blame homeless, and poor folks, for being homeless and poor.  Get a job like everybody else.  Stop begging me for my hard earned money.  So I am not Hitler yet, but I am certainly not Mother Teresa either.  What I am generally is apathetic, not wanting to “waste time” on the needs of others I could care less about.  Stay out of my way, and everything is golden.  Except my heart. 

“That heart” is about as far from God’s as any untransformed heart could ever be.  I know.  Because when you get a taste of transformation, everybody else’s story can move you to tears.  It is overwhelming how much you want to get involved and help, to get up off your butt and do something.  Find a way to take action to make it better.  Not just for 5 minutes, or when it is convenient, but tirelessly.  It doesn’t matter if you have money or not, you find it, you give it, and you don’t think about it again.  If that sounds too good to be true; it is.  But it is also what the passion of Christ does, in a transformed heart that has learned to reflect it more thoroughly. 

You know what dies first in that scenario?  Pride.  Only the humble can gladly serve the least of these.  For the humble relish the idea of service, and the experience of it, even more.  Humility allows me to think of myself as lower than the low, yet still treasured by the God of the Highest.  My God gives me the precious opportunity to serve another.  My God gives me the precious opportunity to join with Him in His mission to redeem, simply to love someone else, no matter “who” they are. 

But my God cannot bring someone like that to me, while my heart just sits there waiting to demonstrate how little I care.  The name Christian, with all the pride of being a Christian for 40+ years, the Christian education, the membership in my church, the leadership roles of the past, the extensive study of His word … and the heart of a stone, never tasting a passion for anyone other than me.  My untransformed heart does His name and my faith a disservice.  I repel what I would attract, if I only loved it.  And I scream and I vent, that I cannot fake love when I have none, or lie about it when it’s not there.  Exactly.  Only Jesus can put love where no love exists.  For Jesus is Love.  And my pride is the death of love.  So pride must be shattered.

For Peter this would be a painful experience.  Peter had spent time with Jesus.  Peter knew Him, and what He could do.  But Peter still wanted what he believed scripture foretold, a seat of power, in an empire that ended Roman rule.  That was not to be.  And for Peter the whole world would watch his failure happen, and heap ridicule upon an already broken brow.  Everyone would judge Peter.  Everyone would condemn Peter.  He would have no religious pride left after this.  After this incident, it would be Peter who was the lowest of the low in any Christian faith.  For Peter would deny Jesus three times, just as foretold.  And we would read his story, and never look at it in our mirrors, or in our hearts.  A proud heart is content to never examine itself.

Imagine the embarrassment Peter must still withhold as he relays this incident to John Mark his friend, and ghost writer of his gospel.  Yes, Jesus forgave Peter, but Jesus did not kill the memory of this in the mind of Peter, nor the witness of it in others.  Everyone knew about this failure.  His sin was public, public in the worst way, a part of the gospel that would be retold over and over again.  For the Bible does not cover up the misdeeds of those who love God.  Rather it tells the truth of them, that we might all learn from them, though so few ever take the time to do so.  The gospel story includes the failures and frailty that come from the pride of men.

Peter begins his recollection to John Mark in his gospel in chapter fourteen picking up in verse 66 saying … “And as Peter was beneath in the palace, there cometh one of the maids of the high priest: [verse 67] And when she saw Peter warming himself, she looked upon him, and said, And thou also wast with Jesus of Nazareth.”  The first test.  But how quick we are to overlook one the players.  This was a maid in the home of the high priest.  But she recognized Peter as a disciple, and Jesus as his Master.  To do that she could not have just “heard” the story from others in casual conversation.  She had to be there herself.  She recognized Peter because she knew who they were, and likely what they said.

The maid has challenged Peter.  She does not call for Peter’s arrest, she merely challenges his identity as a follower of Christ, as a Christian.  Peter could have turned it around on her, simply using logic to point out that for her to know this, she must have been there as well.  Perhaps turning the attention of association with Jesus back on the maid, he might have escaped answering the question.  But he was not thinking that fast that night.  He was scared.  So Mark continues in verse 68 saying … “But he denied, saying, I know not, neither understand I what thou sayest. And he went out into the porch; and the cock crew.”

Peter’s response was “I don’t know what you’re talking about”.  Those who still today are content to deny Jesus in times of peril, must have not experienced what a transformation from Jesus does to your life.  After that, denying Jesus, is like denying oxygen.  And he left the place where he was standing and moved away further out onto the porch.  Leaving the comfort of the warmth of the fire was a calculated move.  Going outside where the night air was colder, was bound to keep away pesky strangers, and allow him to be alone in peace.  How like my heart.  I am all too comfortable in the coldness, away from the needs and conversations of pesky strangers.  I prefer it.  My apathy must prefer it.  Peter did too.  But then that awful sound, that rooster crows, and it cuts to the heart of Peter.  His vow is shattered before God, and soon will be his pride as well.  How the sound of that crowing echoes in my ears 2000 years later.

John Mark continues in verse 69 saying … “And a maid saw him again, and began to say to them that stood by, This is one of them.”  What is it with this maid already?  Is she stalking me?  Is she bent on my destruction?  Or, is she carrying the message of the gospel, selected by God Himself, as He has done so many times, with so many other women.  Mary was selected at the birth of Jesus, spoken to by angels, before any man’s ears would hear the good news.  A woman of Samaria was called and converted an entire region.  Mary the sister of Martha, was selected to witness the power of resurrection, and the strength of His love during His ministry.  Mary Magdalene was selected after the resurrection by Jesus Himself, to be the first carrier of the gospel, before any other disciples were chosen, even before He had ascended back to His Father.  Now perhaps this maid, is also selected by God to carry the word of the gospel, the challenge of God to Peter, in asking do you know me?  (and yet so many say women should not formally carry the gospel, arguing with the God they serve, it would seem).

Mark continues in verse 70 saying … “And he denied it again. And a little after, they that stood by said again to Peter, Surely thou art one of them: for thou art a Galilaean, and thy speech agreeth thereto.”  Peter gives another hasty denial.  There is not even the slightest hesitation, or consideration of the gravity of what he is doing, of the breaking of his vow unto death.  I guess, since he already denied it once, two sins are not much worse than one sin.  But then, the subtle infectious transforming power of Jesus is identified by those around him, who know how “fishermen” from Galilee speak.  They hear his tone, his lack of vulgarity, his lack of swearing and cursing, as the simple fishermen speak.  Instead they hear only clear words, spoken without malice, spoken in the same kinds of tones His Master uses.  While the maid may have a bad memory or bad vision, she is not responsible for how Peter speaks, only Jesus could do that.

Mark continues in verse 71 saying … “But he began to curse and to swear, saying, I know not this man of whom ye speak.”  To thwart his rapidly increasing risk of identification and association with Jesus, Peter must now revert to his old behavior.  Before was his subtle, seemingly unknowing transformation, Peter must now revert to gutter language spoken in hateful tones.  He adds all of this to his denial.  Peter throws away a victory over sin, he was unaware had even happened to him, until others pointed it out to him.  How like us.  The victories over sin in our lives have occurred subtly, they happen mysteriously, as since Jesus does them, we cannot figure out how or when He did it.  We only know it is different now.  Not comparatively different with other people, or even with our former selves, but just plain different.  Just plain better.  But Peter throws that away.  And He denies Jesus for the third time.

Mark continues in verse 72 saying … “And the second time the cock crew. And Peter called to mind the word that Jesus said unto him, Before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice. And when he thought thereon, he wept.”  Here is where it all comes crashing down.  Here is where the memory of a vow he made to follow Jesus unto death rings hollow in his own ears.  No one made him sin this sin.  No one put a gun to his head, or tempted him to do it.  He did it on his own.  Time with Jesus was no defense.  He even threw away a victory he did not notice Jesus had given him.  He commits this sin without excuse, without a way to try to make it better.  Just a naked, bold, in your face, kind of sin, that he alone did.

Then he remembers the words of Jesus.  He remembers the prophecy.  He remembers his protestations about how Jesus must be wrong.  But Jesus is never wrong.  Peter weeps.  In front of men still probing him for how much he may know, in front of the maid who kept asking him who he was, on his way out of the Temple, in full view of everyone, he runs and he weeps in full display.  Others who witness this chalk it up to another weird happening in a night full of weird events.  But Peter knows why he cries, and he no longer cares about who sees him weep in public.  The tears flow like Niagara.  His heart is rent in two, or perhaps three pieces, he no longer knows.  The epic center towards which his life has been building reaches its zenith only to find the worst failure he could possibly ever experience.  Public sin.  Sin told over and over for 2000 years, never forgotten by believers who will know his story.  He is not the hero right now; he is decidedly the villain.

Forgiveness is coming.  Restoration is coming.  Recreation is coming.  A heart that burns with a passion for others is coming.  But not on this day.  What must happen on this day, is the shattering of pride.  It must happen.  For no pride can remain, it must be obliterated.  If any seed of pride remains, he will be unfit to serve.  Any seed of pride will take root once again, grow once again, and smother the passion for others.  It must be shattered, as painful as that shattering will be for Peter.  How will it happen in your life?  Maybe it has already begun.  Maybe the painful events happening in your life or your career right now, are meant only to shatter your pride, and help you find a passion you have never known before.  It is never too late.  It is never without hope.  For our Savior is obsessed with your redemption, and giving you a life you cannot even imagine today, a love you cannot contain …