The Beginning is the End

The Beginning is the End. By this I mean, that what existed before the knowledge of evil will one day be what is considered “normal” again. Where we find ourselves today could hardly be considered normal when viewed through the looking glass of eternity. Ages, eons, decades, centuries, and millennia passed by before the first dark day appeared on the radar of time. It is hard for a human mind to grasp how much of our time passed before evil raised its head in perfection. Some think God created evil, but this is untrue. As life was always founded in our God, so death was always found in the opposite of Him. But ages passed and none chose to deviate from life, from love, from perfection. Till one day, the third most exalted being in the Universe broke trust with God, and decided to follow his own wisdom instead of that of the Almighty, and rather than serving others He asked the seemingly innocuous question – what about me?

When the focus of our existence is moved from making others happy to serving only our own needs we rediscover the knowledge of evil in our souls. Every act of malice, of neglect, every atrocity committed by one person against another can trace its roots back to a motive of serving self. Indeed it is trying to please the man in the mirror that requires our legal system of laws, edicts, and punishments to deter me from acting on my own interests at the expense of another. Serving another requires no such restrictions. Loving someone else requires no limits to my imagination. But me loving me must have definitive restrictions or all those around me will suffer for my cause. It is heaven’s irony that we can only find true fulfillment when giving all of ourselves to serving others. And it is heaven’s mystery that any sentient being would willfully turn away from life and love and consciously choose misery, pain, and death. Yet this is our reality.

In a time before it was measured, Lucifer turned away from God and became Satan. The transformation was not immediate, but it was deliberate. Lucifer’s argument that “different” did not by nature have to be “wrong” was illogical but persuasive. Offering an alternative to a dichotomy of only good and evil, Lucifer tried to position his alternative as just another choice. But how does one deviate from the source of all good things and find yourself anywhere you would choose to be? Straying from life can only by conclusion lead to death. Straying from happiness can only by nature lead to misery. Straying from fulfillment can only leave one hungry. So it was with Lucifer who became Satan. He strayed from all things good until what is evil consumed his every impulse. Evil is not to be trifled with. More than an aberrant concept, evil is addictive by nature, self-destructive by action, and causes any who embrace it to kill everything they love before finally seeking the peace of release only found in death.

Evil takes no responsibility or accountability for what it impacts or affects. And so Satan blames God for his very existence, and any action he may undertake. Satan places his own characteristics on God and tries to shift the focus from the evil he does to a perfect Father God. Satan’s reasoning is that since God has the power to stop evil or destroy it before it even ever existed, the fact that it does exist, makes God responsible for not stopping it. This argument as well lacks the logic of free-will. Free-will is not just the ability to make choices without being forced, it is the fundamental building block of love itself. If we are not free to love, or not love, then we cannot be said to love at all. Love is based on a choice, we choose to love, or not. Had God created sentient life with the ability only to love Him, but never choose not to, the love would be a lie. Sentient beings must have choice to love, in order for the love to be real at all. This choice has always been with us, and it will always be with us throughout the eons of time yet to come.

But then, how does the Creator of all life get rid of evil once it springs into existence? This question is further complicated by the fact that at that time, no other beings in the universe had any knowledge of what evil is truly like. They were blissfully ignorant that any choice outside of following God existed at all. They knew only peace, they knew only love, and they knew only contentment. These were not aspirations for the creations of God prior to our existence; they were what were considered the norm. Happiness was the way of life; no-one knew what sadness was firsthand. But they would learn. For the first time sentient beings saw what happened when love was rejected. The pain of rejection was one of the first forms of knowledge for the universe to encounter about the nature of evil. For you see evil is inherently connected with pain, they cannot be separated. The longer the pain of evil is delayed from the acts of evil, the larger the pain becomes. But it always comes.

So to rid the universe of evil, time must be allotted for all sentient life to witness what evil is like for themselves. “Proof” must be offered that alternatives to God end in evil, and all evil ends in death. Now that trust had been broken, choices must be made about where to place one’s faith in ideology. Lucifer was not stupid, and the effects of evil had only begun to take hold on him. Over time he would be more marred by what he embraced, but at the outset of this conflict of ideas he was universally known and appreciated as the third highest being. God sat on His throne, Christ at His right hand, Lucifer at His left. This was an honored position. The one who now only thought to serve himself had recently been known as a chief among servants. And so a third of the angels took heed of the cunning words of Lucifer and joined with him in breaking trust with God. The sadness multiplied.

Where once power was only valued in how it could be applied to improve the lives of others, now power was sought to rule in the stead of one’s enemies. Even Lucifer was aware there was no way to exceed the power or divinity of God, but if he could equal it, he thought to demand the attention and worship of the remainder of God’s creation. Where God was worshipped from hearts of love, admiration, and gratitude until now – Lucifer would be happy to be worshipped from hearts of fear, or minds bent under his control. What Lucifer wanted was the absolute control over life and death in order to keep his subjects in line. After all, what choice did he have, no one could love what he proposed, for his very proposals of serving self would conflict with worshipping him. People would love only themselves in his government and therefore have no incentive to worship Satan unless based solely on the fear of pain or non-existence. None of this could God allow.

But evil does not value reason, nor will it listen to the pleas of love. Evil demands domination and speaks only in terms of power and consequences. And so the unthinkable happened, in the very center of the universe, near the throne of God himself, there was war in heaven. War is not debate. War is not merely an argument. War is not just based on a battle of ideas, it is also founded in a physical struggle for supremacy between two opposing forces. Where once a city in perfect harmony existed, the invention of weapons would soon be another byproduct of the existence of evil. There was war in heaven. Christ and his angels, pushed out Satan and his angels. And Satan began looking for another base of operations he could call home. He went out to each world where God created sentient life and presented his arguments for an alternative to the kingdom of God. He was heard. But he was not accepted.

It was during this time, that the idea of creating man was presented within the Godhead. One could argue that it could not have come at a worse time. One could argue that Satan’s exclusion from the planning for our existence was one factor in his jealousy over the distinction he now recognized in Christ’s role over his own. Christ was always the Son of God, Lucifer only the archangel or highest of the created angelic hosts. But in an environment based on the outpouring of love this distinction was not nearly as pronounced until Lucifer was omitted from the discussions about man. Had his trust remained in place, this exclusion would not have been necessary. But as he had free-will to rebel against God, and fully intended to execute that will, he had to be omitted. Man would suffer enough under the rulership of God’s enemy without him having the inside knowledge on what was to come. But why now? Why under these condition? Is there no limits on free-will?

Love has no limits. And true love must always come from the choice to embrace it. So to delay our creation until evil was exterminated was to “load the deck” and risk that man too might someday choose to turn from God on his own. There was no reason to delay our creation if one truly believes in the power of love over evil. And God firmly believes in this premise, and has been proven right many times over. So in the middle of the greatest conflict of the ages, man was brought into existence.

Those Christians who say man was made to worship God have no understanding of what they say. If all God needed was more beings to worship Him, he could have simply made more angels, or any other assorted sentient being that he made before us. We were not created to fill a void in the ego of God. We were not created with a worship or die mantra tied to our necks. Rather, we worship God for the same reasons that all other life does – from a heart of love, admiration, and gratitude what He does for us all the time. Our worship is a voluntary reaction to our love, not a prerequisite of His approval. We cannot buy His affections, and yet cannot help responding to them. It is because we are loved that we love. It is because we are already loved that we respond. We are not looking to secure love with our responses, it has already been given to us. Anything we do is in recognition of what He has already done, not what He will do. For the end is the beginning, we already know He loves us, and will love us, for it is already so.

But where would humanity side in the conflict that raged on beyond our world’s domain? Would we be faithful to the God who created us and remain trusting in Him, or would we like the one third of angelic host decide to break trust with God and put it in ourselves. It is in this time that the story of our existence begins. It is set against this conflict that we sprang into existence. It is important for us to look back and study where we came from, value the lessons of our past, as we face the choices that will no doubt end our world. While we live in the closing chapters of our human species as we know it, there is still value in studying how it began. What the intent of our God was for us, where we went wrong, and why it will never happen again. All of this can be found in the first few chapters of the first book of the Bible. There is much in what Moses penned that we still have not learned, but can.

It is these lessons that evolution would undermine. As from the foundation of time, Satan wishes us to believe there is still an alternative to the dichotomy of good and evil. He presents us evolution as a scientific theory that can safely deny his own existence as well as God’s. Man is free to exist under the power of his own wisdom. Good and evil can then become subjective concepts left up to the conscience of each person if they have one. No need to seek to find something more, no need to try to fill the hole in our soul that cannot be quenched outside of finding our maker – only empty and vain pursuits that leave us with nothing. It is not the weak mind that embraces creation; it is the mind that hungers for something more than serving self can ever deliver. It is the enlightenment of His Spirit that can take us back into the love letter that is our Bible and begin again, reading what Creation has yet to teach us. This world is not our home. We were meant for something more. Let us return to the beginning and find out what it will be like past the end of time as we know it …

Millennia ...

One thousand years. The Bible speaks of a thousand years in Revelations chapter 20, as a sort of time-out for Satan. He is bound to this earth alone in solitude for a thousand years with no-one to deceive. Those who did not embrace Christ and the freedom from evil He offers die and remain asleep until the thousand years are ended. At that point they are resurrected for a little season. But before we get too far ahead, I would like to focus a bit of attention on the thousand years.

We saved followers of God will be in heaven (the city). We will be given coverings of light, a harp which we will instinctively know how to play, a new name, a ring, and a crown containing stars to symbolize those we were instrumental in helping to show the love of God to. We will be eating from the tree of life and drinking from the river of life. We will be feasting at the table of God in gigantic banquets, and singing songs of praise not even the angels can truly understand. And we will be casting our crowns at the feet of Jesus as we come to realize our true unworthiness, and His great love and mercy that sees us in the place we are in. But we are not here for just parties, and worship. There is a work still to perform; a work requiring a thousand years.

First; why that number? After all Satan could have been bound for a day or a million years, it is relatively immaterial to us isn’t it, as we have forever in our mindsets at this point. Some believe, this thousand years is a symbol of the Sabbath rest, as our created life on earth is about 6000 years old, the seventh millennia could be a symbolic recognition by our creator that our earth itself needed a rest. This kind of speculation regarding the significance of numbers in the Bible is interesting, but not necessarily based in fact. Similar speculations exist around the number 400 for example. There was about 400 years between the flood and Abraham, 400 more years until Moses, 400 years of Judges, 400 years of Kings, and 400 years of captivity and desolation just prior to Christ’s first coming. Since then another 2000+ years have passed. There are 12 tribes of Israel names after their 12 brother / sons of Jacob; there are 12 gates to the city, and 12 foundation stones it is built upon; 12 disciples that became 12 apostles. Seven days in a week; seven candlesticks in a holder in the temple; seven last day churches; Interesting phenomenon around numbers, but nothing too telling – so why introduce a millennia now?

Perhaps this thousand years is for the benefit of Satan himself; a chance for him to contemplate all the vast pain he is responsible for; a chance for him to realize just how far from God and perfection one can go when at first the deviation looks so small. But as Satan seems to have only ever hardened his position against God, I doubt this time period is for his benefit. What about us? I submit there are two pressing concerns left over from our time spent on earth. The first is the disposition of those who are not with us in perfection. We have never been intended to judge anyone while on earth, the lives, actions, and motives of others are hidden from our view; but in heaven this situation changes. The biggest judicial review of history itself begins, as the books are thrown open to all who have interest to review the records of the fallen and insure God’s judgments are fair and upright. It will be difficult for parents to see a missing child, and not question if perhaps a mistake has been made. Still more difficult for married couples who spend their lives together, attend church regularly, and find they are now parted in eternity (one waiting the resurrection of the wicked, one already in perfection). To let go of the love for those we care most about, will require a degree of “proof” so often demanded in our world.

And the records will be opened. We will see every detail of the lives we examine, from the earliest cognitive responses, to the dying breath and thoughts. We will see every deed, every word, and every thought behind them as recorded in the books of life and of death in heaven. And the pain of it will be immense. For we will share the pain God feels, when He is forced to acknowledge His rejection in the hearts of those He thinks only to love. It breaks the heart of God to be rejected by His creations, His children, His precious treasures; as it will then break our hearts no longer burdened with pride, selfishness, and thoughts of how we might be perceived to be caught crying. Tears will flow like rivers as we read the detailed accounts of those we loved, of memories we never saw from their perspectives, as time after time they choose to reject love, and embrace self-interest. Every attempt that God makes to lure them to Him is rejected. Every sin against them committed even by us, is capitalized on, by Satan to harden their hearts against our God. For we bear responsibility in the loss of our family, of our loved ones, of our world, and community. Our lack of action, our lack of giving when it was needed, our unwillingness to sacrifice time, energy, or resources when needed to save another at the most critical times will have played a role in the demise of another’ eternal soul.

We do NOT yet understand the great price we are paying with our constant addiction to self-interest in this life. We have no idea of the magnitude of our tiniest decisions. We have no idea the impact of our casual words spoken without thought of how they may be heard and interpreted. We are so careless with the lives of others, as we refuse to see the value in other souls, and focus only on our own. Were all the members of a church to simultaneously fall into vision and foresee the great impact of their selfishness during this special millennia, they would awaken and give every cent they had to the cause of Christ. They would gladly quit their jobs, and spend every ounce of energy ministering to the needs of those who now they ignore. For the price of a lost soul, weighs too heavy on perfected hearts. When finally we love as He loves, we are not equally protected and assured that we did all we could to help others as God does. For God is perfect in His efforts to redeem fallen man, but we; we are much less perfect. We put self ahead of our efforts to save others, as self blinds us to the cost and impacts of what we do. It will be at this time, that we will require healing from our God in order to continue to exist. And healing will come again, as He wipes all tears away from our eyes. For despite our shortcomings and responsibility for the loss of other souls, our God remained faithful to try to redeem them, and they would not.

Those who believe that hell burns forever, do not fully understand what it is like to have heart like the one of our God. To love as God loves is not a casual thing, or a part-time endeavor. Love cannot be blinded to the needs or pains of another, rather love is keenly aware of these things. To love as God loves is to be filled with love from bottom to top, to be consumed with how to bring peace, joy, and comfort to the object of our love – with NO thought of reward. To love another is its own reward. Our time in heaven must be long enough for us to insure for ourselves for all time that our God has been just in how He has dealt with those who refused to embrace Him. But our time must have a limit so that we do spend our days in dread of the execution of the sentences that have been pronounced.

For me, I almost do not want to know. The mercy that I would be in perfection is enough for me to trust in whatever judgments God has made on those I find missing. I already know, my record will be wanting. I already know, I have not done enough to save those I love. I already know, my selfishness will be more than enough to break me in the world to come. No matter what I do from this point forward, my deeds to this point have caused more pain than sought redemption. I already know I have been an instrument of destruction, more than a reflection of His love. While I believe He can and does forgive me; for me to open the records of others to review and remember my own participation in their demise is already too much for me to bear. Even so Lord, save me from myself and the evil I seem powerless to evict from my soul.

The self-interested heart finds a kind of fulfillment in the judging of others. There is a kind of satisfaction in trying to uncover the truth, and render a just sentence, for deserved behaviors. We think of judging the wicked in these terms today, because our hearts are infected with self. But when made pure from our disease; the work of judging those who were more like us that we care to admit, and who suffered at our own hands will not be a satisfying, fulfilling work. It will be nothing but sad. Sorrow will fill the halls of heaven while this work must persist. We will verify what does not need verification. We will review true justice and infinite love, and the mystery of how it can continue to be rejected in the hearts of man. It is a strange work we are destined to perform.

You see it is impossible to fully enjoy eternity at this point. For evil still exists, it exists in the embodiment of Satan bound alone on earth, it exists in his demonic following, it exists in those who sleep and await a resurrection to judgment. While evil continues to exist in the universe, it is impossible to fully enjoy eternity with God. For us to finally be free, the influence of evil must be rid of throughout all of time and space. This must begin in our hearts and minds. We must learn the lesson Satan failed to learn. We must trust God completely, regardless of how it looks to us. We must rely on His wisdom, knowing He does nothing to hurt us, and everything to save us. We must come to know, that only God can be trusted despite whatever considerable knowledge we gain over time. This lesson Satan failed to learn. When facing a conflict with God, He broke trust with God, and trusted in himself to the downfall of everything that followed him in this. Our ability to choose away from God will exist forever, but our inclination to choose it will be halted for permanently etched in our minds is the price for lack of trust.

We must also learn the lesson that Adam failed, by not trusting God with those who we love. We must be confident that God loves us all, and will provide for our need to love in a special way for all time and eternity. For we will never tire of loving, as love itself is the basis or definition, or substance, or power, make-up of our God beyond the point of our current understanding. Given our choice to trust God above ourselves, and with everything that we love; we will finally be ready to see the extinction of evil from all the Universe. And this extinction is right around the corner …

Mental Anguish & Persecution

The prophet Jeremiah (chapter 30, verse 07) foretold of a time of Jacob’s trouble unlike anything ever seen on earth before then. The prophet Daniel (chapter 12, verse 01) seemed to reinforce this idea by referring to a time when Michael will stand up, and there would be a time of trouble such as nothing the earth had seen before then. Most of Revelations seems to describe a time near the end of the world where “trouble” is the understatement of history itself. A time where persecution would appear to be the norm; a time when following God is a crime punishable by death; a time when the only way to escape certain torture and death is to simply listen to what you are told by the ones in power to tell you. While the intensity foretold in scriptures is like nothing we have ever seen, the scenario itself is not something new.

I am reminded of three Hebrew boys, taken captive from their native home of Jerusalem and dragged to Babylon. They remained faithful to God despite the difficulties thrown at them. But one day they were taken to a great assembly with the King and ordered to worship a golden image of the King, symbolizing the eternal kingdom of Babylon itself. They refused. The penalty was certain death, death by burning alive. They continued to refuse. The King’s ego was damaged, his mercy in offering another time to worship them rejected, he lost his control and ordered the furnace be heated up seven times hotter than normal. His intent to kill those who would not obey him was clear.

A rational man in the Hebrew’s position could have easily bowed-down to avoid all this hoopla. After all, God knows what is on the heart, right? In fact, a modern day Christian might have known how to turn this seeming contradiction into something to be proud of. Instead of actually worshipping the image, they could bow down and pray for the soul of the King to the true God (while bowing of course). This way they worship God in their hearts, while not offending the King. No fire drama here. But the 3 Hebrews would not so compromise.

A rational man would realize that by being so uncompromising in how they lived their beliefs that they were provoking the King to anger, and forcing God to have to save them similar to jumping off a cliff first and then demanding God do something about it on the way down. If they could just take the day-off in their values systems, or not be so rigid in applying them, they could avoid angering the King and risking what was sure to be certain death. After all, if they knew what the meeting was for (pretty hard to miss the construction of a ninety foot solid gold statue of a king), why not just skip it and call in sick so no one blames you for not being there?

A rational man could have surmised that since God allowed Nebuchadnezzar to become king and had so blessed him with a dream of the future kingdoms of earth, that they should follow this blessed King of God and do whatever he says. After all if God did not want a ninety foot solid gold image to be built, why not simply destroy it like He had destroyed other things in the past? Maybe God allowed the ninety foot statue to be built in order to accomplish some greater purpose. A rational man would choose expediency and life rather than obstinacy and death.

The 3 faithful servants valued their lives. They did not have a death wish. They did not relish the idea of being burned alive. But they could not disobey the council of their mothers and fathers in their ears; they should bow down only to God. This was not a lack of humility on their part; it was obedience to an unseen God in whom they firmly believed. At least in their story, there was a point to be made. The king lost his best soldiers trying to throw the Hebrews into the furnace. But the Hebrews walked among the flames, only their ropes burning off. They were undamaged, and Nebuchadnezzar recognized the fourth man as the “Son of God”. Through their perseverance and dedication to obeying God, even to the point of certain death, the entire Babylonian kingdom heard about the God of Israel.

At the end of time, the world becomes divided into two camps; those who serve the invisible God of the Bible in whom they have come to trust with their very lives; and those who do what is expedient to survive, possibly even claiming to worship God, but never letting God affect their hearts or lives in a meaningful way. John (favored disciple of Christ) through his revelations sums it up this way … “let he is holy be holy still. And let he who is unholy be unholy still.” These have long been the scariest words in all of scripture for me personally. They represent a paradox I have been unable to get my mind around.

The closer I get to God, the more wicked I realize I am. To actually achieve holiness is to allow Christ to change the entirety of my life, but the ability to recognize this work has taken place is not something we will have any training in. None of us have yet reached perfection, yet those who remain alive to see Christ coming in the clouds will stand in that day without a shield between them and God. And so the source of our pain, the thorn in our shoes, the greatest worry to occupy the mind of a Christian will not be our physical fate, our lack of food, our horrific surroundings, perhaps even the fates of those we had come to love who have not made the choices to follow God. Our greatest concern will be inward, have we truly let go of the sin we have clung to our entire lives? Or are we merely denied acting on our sinful natures by the conditions around us? Are we in fact holy or merely deceiving ourselves as the wicked so often do? Our minds will search for un-confessed sins, but find none.

You see no one knows your evil better than you do. You can put on a mask for the world to see, for your family to see, in front of your church brethren. You can pretend to have a servant’s heart and mind, and seem to know your scriptures very well. But it is possible to remain unaffected by the saving grace of God as you continually refuse to allow Him to change the core of who you are, by daily forgetting to submit your will to Him first. When there is no more time for repentance, and achieving change through the power of His Holy Spirit which has been withdrawn from the earth; in that great day of Jacob’s trouble, will we be found wanting?

For years, I have known Adventists who bought property away from the cities. Some who have reported to have buried canned foods in caves in the mountains for “use” during the time of trouble. Those poor Christians, have missed the point of these prophesies entirely. God has already assured us that our physical safety will be protected (a thousand shall fall at thy left side, and ten thousand at thy right, but it will not come near you – says David in the Psalms). Our food and water will be sure as it was for Elijah who received each day’s meal from the Ravens bringing him bread in an otherwise famine filled land. I used to joke that my Raven will bring me pizza. The caves of the earth may indeed provide us shelter, or perhaps the jails and prisons of the land (where we may find the last few who truly need to hear the message we bring with us). But to place our emphasis on preparing for the last great troubles by trying to be physically secure is to doubt God, and to miss the point of preparation completely.

It is not our diet that needs adjusting, it is our character. It is not our homes in the cities than need to be abandoned it is our propensity to hold on to sin and refuse to let it go. It is our minds that need an overhaul not our vehicles. We do not need to bury food in the earth, we need to bury sin in the grave once and for all and find ourselves ahead of the curve when it comes to being Holy still. It is TOO easy to compromise our values and be pragmatic about what we believe and how we live it. We are trained cattle to march to whatever banner and directions we are given that keep us alive physically with no thought of the cost to our souls. Our compromises with evil are training us to compromise our eternal lives in the end of all things. We have so long indulged the idea of control that it has become a part of the fable we hold on to. It is long past time to relinquish control and let Christ do His saving work in minds and hearts of each of us.

Remember when the doctor tells you … “this is going to hurt.” The doctor is not being a Sadist, and does not enjoy inflicting pain for a living. Rather, the doctor administers to us what may hurt us in the form of a pinprick, or sometimes worse, because our greater good requires it. Our Lord gives us insight into these prophetic writings not to scare us as if we were the wicked to be punished in the end, but to keep us from becoming the wicked, to help us avoid the coming pain, and to help us focus on what is truly important. The time of Jacob’s trouble is fast approaching our world as it has been for the last 50 years. We are wandering towards it even now.

Even in the United States that has long been a beacon of religious freedom, currently there are well meaning Christians who would impose their own standards of morality upon the remainder of the country as the law of the land. They fear that Muslims are out to do the same, or Atheists, or worse. They fear that we have turned away from God as a nation and the only way to return to Him, is to make His laws our laws. But in this effort, they totally miss the mark. It is not our laws that need amending it is our hearts and minds. It is not even our actions that must change nearly so much as the motives that lay behind them; only Christ can offer us this freedom, and only when we allow Him to do so. While men continue to attempt to tell us what is right, we must learn to go to Him, and find it for ourselves. We must learn what it is like to be led of Christ, rather than of men; for men are bound to lead us into darkness as the time grows short.

We must learn to be like the 3 Hebrews of old. They did not attempt to enforce their beliefs on others, only to offer others the witness of their lives and if needed their deaths while obeying the commands of our God. They were human just like us, wanting, needing, loving the same way we do. But unlike us, they were willing to enter the grave following what they believed to be true, from the hands and writings of an unseen God, than to obey the dictates of the men in power in front of them. They did not bring spears and swords with them to fight the evil servants of the king. They offered no resistance to the mighty soldiers who bound them. Instead they let their words state the love in their hearts when they told the king, he need not give them another chance. They could only bow to their unseen God, and if that cost them their lives, so be it. This was a mark that Christ had been active in the hearts and minds of the 3 servants.

I wonder as our time of trials and testing begins, will we be so similarly minded? Will the effects of Christ changing our hearts be so evident in our thinking that we could not even consider the demands of men not to follow Him? Or will we find a life of compromise with evil now simply continues right through to the end, without even second thoughts that rational is not what God is looking for. He is looking for those who trust in Him no matter what life brings, no matter how the outcome looks to us, and to the end, even if it means the end of our mortal life on this planet. I hope He finds this in each of us …

The 144,000 ...

There is a final prophecy that occurs at the end of time that sparks much interest and debate. It is a description of precisely 144,000 of God’s servants who are special in some way. Given the cryptic nature of this prophesy much discussion, study, and theorizing has occurred as to what its fulfillment might look like. Ever wonder if you could be a part of this special group of God’s servants? What would it take? In times past in the Bible, the biggest criterion for selection by God, was willingness to be selected. I wonder if it will be so again, or if this special reward will be granted based on another type of criterion.

References to the 144,000 can be found in Revelations chapter 7 and again in chapter 14. In both instances the 144,000 are seen in heaven surrounding the throne of God. Some of the verses describe their work as never ceasing, always close to God, able to sing a song only they are allowed to learn. The composition of the 144,000 includes 12,000 from each of the twelve tribes of Israel. We might have interpreted from this that they were 144,000 literal Jews who served God throughout Old Testament times, but later verses describe them as have had victory over the beast, faith in Jesus, and commandment keepers. They are further described as “virgins” having not been defiled with “other women”. Perhaps this means they were born into serving Christ, and have never served any other God than He in their entire lives (this view based on women often representing a church in the book of Revelations). There is no guile in them and they walk blameless before God. As all of us have sinned, perhaps this might refer more to our teachings about God being more accurate and less mixed with error than those we find around us.

The first references to the 144,000 is made as God tells the 4 angels holding back the winds of strife to hold on a bit longer until the 144,000 can be sealed. This would imply they are alive and well at the end of time, waiting to be permanently marked of God for His service. If so, I hope to be among them. But perhaps I have not thought that through completely  I base my desire to be in that number on a singular belief I hold; proximity is everything. Remember when you were a small child and were uncertain of the world around you. At times like those if you could see your parents around you, perhaps down the hall, or in the next room, your comfort level increased. You knew that even if they were not immediately at your side, they could be in seconds should the need arise. That made you feel good. Now take that feeling and amplify it a trillion times. Imagine what it would have been like to hear the words of Christ from His own mouth while He was here on earth. This is why the disciples argued over who would be closest to Him (apart from their own pride), being close to Christ was always the most enviable position.

Mary Magdalene had no issue hanging out at His feet. Let’s face it Christ was in human form, and human feet that walk long distances over rough terrain in nothing but leather sandals are not going to look or smell too good. This is why the practice of washing feet is still considered an ordinance of humility. One must humble themselves, to take on the service of such a dirty job for someone else they know. But in Mary’s world, Christ’s feet were more than enough – anything to be close to the Savior, even the less savory parts. Another woman who suffered of a lifelong disease felt the same way, she did not dare to even speak to ask for healing believing she need only touch the hem of His garment and she would be healed; and so she was. Being close to Jesus was life altering.

Now here we have a picture of the very throne of God Himself, where 144,000 people are selected and sealed to serve Him throughout all eternity, ever at His throne. They do not need sleep. They do not need food or water. They exist on serving Him, and doing as He asks. This is the highest ambition of any citizen of Heaven is to be able to do the will of God as He requests. To be useful in His purposes, to be needed, to be asked; this is the highest hallmark of service everyone there can ascribe to. And for 144,000 blessed individuals this is their life’s calling. I wonder if any of us can truly grasp the significance of this opportunity while still living under the curse of sin, in our current gloomy, self-centered world?

In heaven this kind of proximity to God on a full time basis is like icing on the cake. But in our world, we still pause to consider what full-time service to God might deny us from experiencing on our own. Being honest, we think about flying from world to world, talking with past Patriarchs like Moses and Noah, and Abraham. We think about eating fantastic fruit from the tree of life, and swimming or skiing in the river of life. We dream of petting animals that on earth would easily eat us, and wonder what our homes or mansions will be like. We fantasize about romantic relationships with a spouse from earth that can now be lived in the perfection of heaven. If we served God full time, would we still get to experience all that, or would it go away. More to the point, would we value in heaven what we think we value while still here in this condition. Or like the gold that is used as concrete in heaven, would all our earthly aspirations of heaven fade away in 10 minutes when placed against the prospect of being close to God forever.

Perhaps our minds are still clouded by the fog of our sin. Perhaps we have yet to learn that doing the will of God is the ultimate prize in any life including this one. This world does not make it easy to know what God’s will is for us while here on earth. It is clouded in the ambiguity of our iniquity, the fog of our sin, our selfish nature at war with His will. At least in heaven we can ask Him that question directly. But for me, I am taken back to when I was very very young, and quite content to play with my toys under the chair of my mother. I was fine and happy there knowing she was sitting directly above me. If I am so blessed, I hope to play with my toys under the throne of God Himself, fully contented to know He is sitting directly above me. Hoping to get some snuggle time in His lap if that is not asking too much. For despite being an adult, I recognize my infancy when confronted with the awe and majesty of the creator of ALL worlds. In the presence of the Father God, I am taken back to being two years old, hoping for His affection, and content to be close to Him in the same room, under His chair if needs-be. After all, I know He will be busy working above me, and I can’t figure to interrupt Him too often with my demands for attention.

I think we underestimate what being close to the source of ALL love might do to us. We have experienced love here only in such a limited capacity, sometimes afraid to embrace it fully for fear that an imperfect world will wound us greatly for showing a vulnerable side to another person. But when risk is gone and when perfection reigns, will our freedom to love without hesitation or limitation bring our entire existence to a new plain of consciousness? What will it do to the human mind and soul to be only feet away from the source of infinite love? Will it be like standing near the reverse of a black-hole instead of pulling light in, it shines light and love outward with equal force, or perhaps even greater force. Could our transient frames even expect to hold up in such close proximity to the source of all power, all love, and all grace?

The texts describe God as wiping away the tears of their eyes. I will need this. My unworthiness to even be saved is beyond comprehension. But to be rewarded as one of the 144,000 is a reward well above my pay-grade. I should be content to live in a rat hole along the south wall of heaven itself, locked in isolation after the life and deeds I have done. But to stand with the select few, is too great a reward for me. The level of love that would even consider this is too much for even a perfect being to comprehend. It would break me. It would break the perfect heart He created in me, even in the perfection of heaven. To be so undeserving and yet so rewarded would require constant wiping away of tears from my eyes. To daily witness the Lord and my God His Father, and to know the pain I caused them from my selfishness while in this life – this would cause me immense embarrassment, shame, and pain in my now perfected heart. An addict may not be fully accountable for the nature of his disease, but he remains fully aware of his actions while under its influence. My sin would haunt me for eternity, if God did not remove it from my memory. I believe this final gift of healing will be required to maintain sanity in the face of such love.

Then there is the work to consider. What will the 144,000 do that keeps them so busy? Will it require travel away from the immediate presence of God? Will we assist in the creation of new worlds and new life? Will we be a part of some sort of governmental or bureaucratic committee to take care of the ins and outs of running a multidimensional set of universes? I believe our minds are presently too limited to begin to guess at what He would have us to do. But to do the work of service will remain our reward for eternity. In this I am confident.

For those of us who do not merit inclusion in the 144,000 – God’s love for us will be no less. I imagine we will all find work, purpose, and fulfillment in our existence in the perfection of heaven. To simply experience fully the relief from slavery to sin will be reward enough for me. To be saved, once and for all time, to be made perfect by His grace – this is my highest ambition. Should I be fortunate enough to be selected to be within the 144,000 I will magnify His name for yet another of His gifts. But should I not merit inclusion in this number, I have equal confidence in His love and ability to save me, from me. And for this alone I can be eternally grateful.

On Pain of Death ...

The biggest difference between God and Satan is that God refuses to compel the conscience of man, or control his mind and heart – whereas Satan would gladly enslave both. God is love, and love must be freely given or you cannot call it love. For us to truly love God we must be free to choose to love Him, or free to choose against Him. The choice must truly be ours, if God were to control it in any way, the result could no longer be called love. Satan on the other hand, is much less interested in love and free will; he is interested only in power and control. He is constrained by our free will as God will not let him subvert it without our consent. But Satan is not interested in preserving our free will; he is far more willing to threaten us with death if we do not do things his way. While the consequences of embracing evil always do lead to death, Satan is willing to hurry the process along should we find ourselves in disagreement with him. This is why in the unseen war all around us, angels of light are sent to guard each human being, to preserve their right to choose, even if that choice is against the very being who sent the guardian to preserve their ability to make that decision. Ironic. We spit in the face of God, yet He preserves our ability to choose to do so. What other deity ever claimed to do that?

At the end of time, the Holy Spirit will be poured out in great measure to reap a final harvest of souls who are seeking to follow God. But then He will withdraw His presence from the earth allowing what was bound to become loosed before the return of Jesus. Satan eagerly awaits this day, the day He is given more ability to enforce his will upon mankind without constraint by our loving God. And death too, it seems is eagerly awaiting this day as well, as you can bet death will be the predominant news story in every corner of the globe. The day for Satan’s ability to enforce his will on the conscience of man will have arrived.

While Satan will not be able to possess the righteous and force them to do as he wishes, he will be able to surround the righteous with his followers who are eager to do his bidding. Human agents will take on the work of Satan with great vigor, believing they do the work of the almighty God himself. Forgetting that God never compels the conscience of men, eager servants of the evil one, will use the name of Christianity in efforts to enforce worship to Satan on pain of death. And they will have many allies who effectively attempt the same thing. For instance, there are many totalitarian governments on planet earth who deny the existence of God altogether. They tell their citizens they are not allowed to believe and worship the true God, or they will be imprisoned for it. At the end of time, the punishment will be universally raised to killing the non-compliant. The Catholic popes have for years told their parishioners to follow the edicts and traditions of men and the church over what the plain word of the gospel directs them to do. Compelling the conscience is not a new phenomenon, even inside of Christianity. But it is the hallmark of the evil one.

But why shoot us, if starving us is cheaper? And so the only way to earn a living, to buy or sell anything, will require receiving the mark of the beast himself. This mark may be in the form of a physical tattoo, a scar, or merely the symbolic agreement (in the mind) with evil, or taking up the actions of evil (in the hands) to do the will of Satan. But without the mark, those who believe will be placed in a position to starve. It will be easy to get the mark, one need only verbally swear to agree NOT to follow the God of the Bible, but to do as men, or Satan, or the Pope, or whoever else says to do. The idea is simple, deny the real God, and receive the mark that allows you to live as you did before (stuck in your sin, without hope, if we were being technical).

Satan’s ultimate idea of punishing God for the death of evil he is sure to experience, is to have no one on planet earth waiting for God to return to save. Before you start thinking that should be nearly impossible, remember that ONLY Noah was saved in the ark with his family. No-one else on the planet believed, or was saved. If Satan could pull off this feat again, he might make God delay or cancel coming back at all. But there will remain a stubborn few who simply will not give up their Bibles and do as the men around them command them to do. Despite the apparent starving solution, the faithful refuse to let go of their true God and will not embrace the earthly alternatives including Satan in the form of Christ. This all but infuriates the evil one; particularly when birds seem to be flying to the caves of the earth with food for those who hide there from his evil presence. I guess the righteous won’t be starving after all.

Controlling commerce does more than just provide a method of punishing those who refuse to give up their faith. It provides a way to control the rich, the powerful, those who up until now have known no fear more than losing what they have. With the beast in full control of the events of the world, short a few, he takes many liberties in establishing his course to war with God. “The dragon was wroth with the woman” … it says in Revelations … “and he went to make war with the remnant of her seed.” Satan has no illusions that war with believers is coming. He is well prepared and plans to win. He intends to use every device against us. Not just the power-plays of obey or die, but the subtle ones like he used with Adam – “can you really imagine life without your loved one who agrees with me?” Any manner to compel the conscience, force a version of morality the individual would not normally accept,

Christians still seem not to have learned the lesson Christ tried to teach them with the analogy of the splinter in your neighbor’s eye, and the beam or log in your own eye. While it makes perfect sense to most believers that Satan will try to compel the conscience at the end of time to worship him, his way or else. They do not see that participation in groups like the “Tea Party”, or attempting to take over the “Republican Party” in order to bring “God” back to America is exactly the same work Satan himself will take over when he is given more power at the end of all things. God does NOT compel the conscience. It is why when Christ was here, he never made any moves to become part of the government in order to make His will the law. He invites us to listen, does not force us to. He lures us with love, does not compel us with control, even though He is able to do so. Those who do not yet believe in Christ are supposed to be free to make that decision. It is the very will of God that they have the freedom to choose against God. Humans trying to force other humans to give up evil and embrace love by force; are the perfect recruits for Satan when he begins his unholy, unrestrained final efforts to control us all.

If we lived lives of love, dedicated to serving others ahead of ourselves, we would not have time for the folly of trying to control the minds of others through the power of the state. In fact, we would gladly return to our true Christian heritage keeping the state completely away from our religious beliefs and thinking. Better for Christians to be governed by Atheists who believe in nothing, than to be ruled by fellow Christians intent on enforcing “the will of God”. Love can never be achieved by force. This principle can be used as a dividing rod at the end of time, to sort out the fake claims of divinity, from the real ones. When God heals someone, he does it in love, asks nothing in return, and looks only to the best interest of the person He is healing. When Satan heals someone, he is looking to make headlines in the news, increase his influence or control of a person, and intends to use the healed person for his own tasks. Where God is about love and service, even to us; Satan is about nothing but power and control over us. The mark of serving Satan will come in the form of trying to compel the conscience of another human, this effort itself is the work of the beast. And it has already begun. Will we walk in it, or away from it.

I hope when push comes down to shove, we choose to worship the God of the Bible who we cannot see, but has taught us what love is – than the imposters all around us who believe they know better than we do what “god” wants us to do. The Bible we take so much for granted now, may become a collector’s item in the not too distant future. I hope He leads us deep into truth before that day comes, for only through His strength can we hope to remain standing for the real God.

The Last Plagues ...

Exactly how crazy am I? It may be difficult to quantify just how crazy I may be, given that a universal “scale” for measuring “crazy” seems to be still under development. For instance, if I told you I could predict the future, you might dismiss me as merely mildly delusional. If I told you that God had spoken directly to me, you might consider that a touch more alarming as direct communications from “God” usually accompany some self-destructive behavior in the nut-balls who claim to have heard from Him one-on-one. But then, how crazy do I remain, if I told you something was going to happen in the future and it did happen exactly as I predicted it. We could call that luck, perhaps even guess that I had somehow an inside knowledge of what was going to occur from other more reliable scientific sources and as such ease our concerns and logically founded mind. But what if what I predicted was outside all the scientific norms, and happened anyway? Can’t call that insider info, can’t really call it luck, it would begin to cause you to question whether I really was crazy, or just right? Perhaps then, it is your own sanity you begin to question.

No need to worry, I do not claim to have heard from God one-on-one; nor do I claim to be able to predict the future. I am no prophet, at least not yet. I do consider myself a conspiracy enthusiast as I can often trace the fingers of conspiracies in the actions that otherwise seem random in the world, perhaps that just makes me a bit paranoid. But it does not mean I am wrong.  In any case, the life of a prophet is never an easy thing. It is hard to tell sane people that you have heard a message directly from God. This idea alone is often enough to get you ostracized at best, and committed at worst. To follow your pronouncement of hearing from God with news of a disaster is to invite the strongest type of ridicule and criticism imaginable. And so for those few servants of God who had the courage to bare their lives in scripture to we who read the accounts of their lives and stories, I wish to honor them as I am humbled by their sacrifice.

I cannot imagine what it must be like to have to take news of a dire consequence that will almost certainly get you killed into the governing palace of Kim Jung Ile, or Saddam Hussein, or Adolph Hitler when they were in power. It is hard enough for me to imagine taking in “God’s warnings” to our president Obama who I admire and respect, let alone to an all-powerful dictator with malevolent designs on my life. But such was the case for Noah to an angry world, Joseph to an egomaniac pharaoh, Moses to another even more egomaniac, Elijah to a wicked king, Jonah to an angry city, Daniel to a worldwide monarch, just to name a few. But to think that prophesy has all but been forgotten or fulfilled is to ignore one of the final writers of the gospel whose name was John the Beloved of Christ. For John also known as the Revelator penned a few prophesies that have yet to be fulfilled. We have at our disposal messages directly from God. Given to us, one-to-one, if you will – that we should be able to give to the world who still needs to hear them.

And so I ask the question once again, just how crazy am I? If I begin by telling you about a series of events that are to captivate the world’s attention, would you dismiss me once again as just another nut-ball who takes the Bible too seriously? Many would. You may. I would not hold it against you, as I myself have often wondered at the purpose of prophecy for those who believe. So if you read my council and decide I am crazy; that would be the norm. But if you remember my words, or rather His words, and then see them fulfilled in your lifetime, will you remember ALL of His words, or just those that had to do with the supernatural.

Take the life of Noah once again for consideration. If Noah had predicted regional floods instead of a worldwide phenomenon that wiped everyone off the planet at once, would those in the surviving regions had accepted Noah’s calls to repentance? If you lived in India for example at the time of Noah, and you saw Japan, China, and Indonesia wiped away by floods, would you start believing in Noah? Or would it take the further destruction of North America, Mexico, down to Panama for you to begin to believe. Or perhaps would you wind up staring at the ark as the door closed and realize you would never be on board as your logical mind would simply not allow you to believe what you see. After all the idea of flooding on this scale was “against science” to that point in time.

There are many today, both inside and outside the church who question the Bible’s more miraculous stories as authentic. They believe them to be more allegories designed to teach us a moral lesson, rather than accurate depictions of facts of the ground as they occurred. The idea that miraculous events have ever occurred forces one to accept the idea that God is real, and perhaps even that Satan is real, and even more importantly to me, I am not the center of the known universe. But then to witness a miracle first hand is intensely more personal than to simply read about one that took place before you were born. Apathy has grown great within the Christian community for just such reasons. Believers have all but stopped submitting their will to Christ and therefore lost the witness of miracles He works within us changing the core of who we are into His image once again. Believers have long ago forsaken testing their faith by requiring miracles of God in healing, raising the dead, curing disease, etc. And most prophesies have been fulfilled more than 120 years ago. So apathy grows in our hearts. What a waste, and what a disappointment to those who need to hear the living word.

But to wake our Laodicean minds from the spiritual slumber we foolish virgins have engaged in, world events will once again become very intense. Before the end of time, just before the orders to kill all those who do not follow the beast (or the Anti-Christ if you will) worshipping him as he commands rather than as God has laid out in scripture, a series of plagues will be poured out upon the world. This is not done to torture evil people, or punish those who sin for the fact that they sin. This is the unfortunate consequence required to wake even the most evil and steadfast doubting mind up to the possibility that the Bible may be correct, God may exist, and that while late, perhaps Salvation is not yet out of reach. This is the purpose for pouring out the “wrath” of God on the world. Many will die in this process. Again unfortunate, but the messages of love will have already been rejected. Great death is about the only thing left that captures the attention of the world. And so it will be.

The details of the plagues can be found in Revelations chapter 16. John uses language that would appear to affect the entire world. We do not know if the plagues themselves will fall over the entire face of the earth, or just in very large regions, with the news of the events being carried on every TV news outlet capable of running the stories. John also speaks about two references to time in chapter 17 that may be a reference to the plagues. The first reference is a day which in prophetic time period generally equals a year. The second reference is an hour, which doing the math generally lasts about a week. We are not certain if John intended the pouring out of the plagues to take about a year to complete, or the final “burning of Babylon” to take about a week to complete. So there are a few unknowns related to these prophecies. But with the unknown is also what we do know.

The first plague will be one of grievous sores that fall upon men who worship the Beast and his image. This means for those who reject the Bible and embrace the teachings of men over the teachings of God, they will be susceptible to the plagues of God. If in tumultuous times you find yourself infected with the grievous sores of the first plague, you are worshipping the WRONG way, or to the WRONG god. This is your first wake up call, that something has gone wrong. Very wrong. And sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the False Christ or Anti-Christ or Satan who is impersonating Christ will tell you lies, that these things come from him as punishment because he has NOT been universally recognized as the only true god. In short he wants you to get mad to true believers and take your anger out on them for the sores you could have avoided if you chose not to worship the false god in the first place.

The second plague sounds even more daunting, as it is poured out on the sea, and “every living soul” in the sea dies as the water is turned to blood. We can infer from the first plague that this will only affect those who worship the beast, but there is no guarantee of this protection. It is possible when this plague is poured out on the sea, all will die who are on it at the time. The third plague is also related as the turning to blood phenomenon occurs in the lakes, rivers, and streams as well. The intention is to offer the wicked blood to drink, as they seem bent on shedding the blood of the saints. I am sure that devout atheist scientists will formulate opinions, hypothesis, and theories on how this is all explainable without supernatural influences to comfort themselves, but it will not quench their thirst.

The fourth plague sounds like global warming run amok. The sun was given power to scorch men, and rather than come to repentance they choose to blaspheme the name of God; perhaps by continuing to offer worship to the fake gods of science and the Anti-Christ rather than to the creator of all things. No doubt people will simply say Al Gore was right all along. But happening in this order, with these exact effects, is designed to show people the validity of the God of scriptures, and the way of Salvation. Alas will there be any who see, remember, and repent before time itself runs out for them?

The fifth plague is poured out on the seat of the beast and is a great darkness. This would be a welcome relief from the scorching rays of the Sun, and defies scientific logic as to why the Sun would suddenly “go dark” even if only in a particular region of the planet. The seat of the beast could infer the headquarters location of the beast. Some have speculated this may mean Rome, where the papacy was long claimed equality with God in religious standing. Some say Washington D.C. as our nation seems bent on dictating morality to others in the forms the majority sees fit denying the rights of the minorities to worship God as they choose. Some say Beijing as the communist capital has long denied even the existence of God to its people and has restricted anyone from Biblical worship outside a rigorous state approved process. But wherever the darkness falls, people will chew on their own tongues for the pain in order to remind themselves they are still alive. And more bad news, the sores from the first plague are still there with them as well.

The sixth plague is decidedly a regional one, as the water of the river Euphrates is dried up, preparing the way of the kings of the east. I should imagine this will cause a massive drought around the areas where the river’s waters once flowed. But this plague appears to be a precursor to something even more terrible, a final war called Armageddon which we will discuss in more detail in another section. None the less the sequence of plagues seems a bit interrupted after the sixth plague with many events seeming to take place all at once.

It is possible that the seventh plague takes place immediately before the coming of the Lord in the clouds. It is possible that the effects of this plague will be felt less as there may not be anyone left on planet earth to talk about it. The righteous gone to heaven, the wicked killed in the final chaotic events. But the final plague of hail will fall from the heavens, every stone about the weight of a talent. Depending on whose version of a talent John was referring to, the current weight estimates would range from 57 pounds on the low end to 130 pounds on the high end. Falling from the sky like rain, the destruction of ice weighing this much would literally crush everything it comes into contact with. Even if this plague is regional falling only where the final war might occur, the devastation would be immeasurable. And worst of all, it appears that if one has not found Salvation by plague number 6, number 7 is already too late.

There is one point that the falling of these plagues makes above all else – evil itself is on a time clock. Evil will NOT be permitted to endure until it can self-destruct and take the world with it. Evil will be cut short, miraculously, and permanently by the God who has no evil in Him. The plagues may be labeled with flimsy scientific explanations designed to placate the masses, but the truth of their foretelling in every KJV Bible in print will be hard to deny. And I imagine that since the plagues are designed to prove the authenticity of the God who is their originator, they will be beyond the normal bounds of scientific theory. For years the siren cry of the Atheists is “show me proof”, how sad that even when this proof is offered it will not be enough for the minds bent on rejecting it.

I ask a final time, just how crazy am I? Am I so crazy you will simply reject these predictions as misplaced faith in a literal version of the Bible that could never come true … until it does. Or is possible that the entire reason for John’s foretelling of the horror of these events was for YOU specifically to be able to avoid them, by accepting the Salvation that Christ longs to offer you? Think about it, why else would a loving God given such a detailed accounting of last day events, including the violence and horror of some of them – if not to warn you on how to avoid these things – staying nestled in the loving protection of a God who is eager to bring you home with Him again. These plagues are not threats to change or die, they are the proof some required that God does exist, and the consequences to evil actions illustrated in the lives of all who remain to see such times. The only reason why we know about them now, is for the purpose of being sheltered from them. If God were out to “punish the guilty” why bother to announce what He is going to do, just do it quietly and effectively. But by writing all this in detail, He shows His purpose is not to destroy but to help as many as possible avoid destruction. Will you be saved from the cataclysm that is to come, or will you follow the edicts of man, science, and logic over the still small voice of love that tugs at your heart strings?