Family Redefined ...

Most of us hold a special place in our hearts for mom.  Mom generally earned this place because as far back as we can remember, she was there taking care of us, nurturing us, and showing a love for us we could barely understand back then.  Dad’s love was different, likely less expressive, but present.  Dad had a natural instinct to insure the family was safe, secure, and taken care of.  It meant less of his time, but always because of His desire to work for our greater good.  Our siblings are another kind of love entirely.  We grew up with them, fought with them over silly things, and were close to them when in times of need or sadness.  We share their joys and triumphs and share with them their sadness and defeats.  Underneath it all, the fights with them were more about establishing a unique identity in the family unit, than about any “real” disagreements.  And so we define our family unit by blood relations, and are often taught that blood is thicker than water, and only blood can be counted on in the world.  But our premise is mistaken at its core.  It is not just the Supreme Court of the United States that is redefining family, it is Jesus Christ.

Our core premise of family is broken from the outset.  Mom and dad are not actually related by blood (usually), unless you trace back our ancestry to Noah or Adam.  Taking history back that far makes us ALL related by blood (a concept we find Jesus endorsing).  So then mom and dad are family not by blood, but by choice, and by commitment.  In our world choices and commitments fail regularly leading to new family unit compositions, where new partners for mom or dad equate to new roles in the parental offering.  Step dads, or step moms, become part of the family unit through different choices made on the timelines of our lives.  New siblings that may have no blood relation at all enter the family unit, and if things go well, and Christian charity is employed, they can become as close to us, as any blood relation ever was.  The love between the new partner of mom or dad is different as well, and can be more or less intense than the original pairing.  And so how do we judge (perhaps not at all), about the validity of a family unit after it was broken, and now attempting to repair itself in another way?

Our core premise of family is broken in yet another way.  Sometimes children are left alone in this world, because of situations beyond their control.  They may be lucky enough to be adopted by parents who so desperately want to add another child to their family unit.  Those parents invest deeply in the lives of these adopted children, working hard to demonstrate a love that is intended to fill the gap left by the pain and loss found in this world.  No adoptive parent ever makes a distinction in how much they love their child.  While not the biological parent, they are the parent none the less.  These family units are determined by choice and commitment, not by blood.  They are as strong as any family unit, and the restorative love they put on display emulates the love of God as much as any we see here on earth.  And blood relations have little to do with the choice and commitment adoptive parents and children make to each other.

While the Supreme Court recognized that the privileges of a marital family unit are more defined by a choice and commitment than by the sexual orientation of the two individuals making that choice; they only chose to expand our legal definition of family to those who may be a bit different from ourselves.  But I submit, what they did is not new, nor did “they” actually redefine family for us or Christianity at large.  How could they?  We already had homosexuals in our family units, whether by blood, or by choice.  The orientation of a person does not determine their place within a family, it is instead only a characteristic that self-identifies with that person.  Many parents will discover that one or more of their children are in fact gay.  While this revelation may be painful at first, particularly if it is at odds with the values those parents hold to; ultimately it changes “nothing” about how much a parent continues to love that child.  Moms don’t stop nurturing, caring, and loving their child because they discover the child is gay (or they shouldn’t).  And dads don’t stop providing, seeking for safety and security of their families, because they discover a child is gay (or they shouldn’t).  So the inclusion of a gay person in a family unit was ALREADY part of our culture, and our definition of family.

It turns out, we already love people who are gay, whether as siblings, or children, or parents.  Loving someone with this characteristic is NOT against the law of God, nor is it forbidden in scripture.  There is no scripture that demands we ostracize a member of our family because they exhibit some behavior the Bible defines as sin.  If it did, every single parent, spouse, or child who has ever told a lie should be cast out (instead of forgiven).  Every single act of sexual misconduct including “lust” even if only in the mind, would be grounds for excommunication between the family unit and that person.  Under these extreme conditions there would be no family units left, only single individuals who are universally guilty of misguided sexual expression both straight and gay.  If our sin is allowed to separate us from each other and from redemptive love, there is no hope for any of us.  Instead Christians believe and need the forgiveness our Savior offers us.  It is a constant and ever present need, and it spans many more sins, than just those of a sexual nature.  At its core, a family unit is composed of choice and commitment, it is not simply a matter of blood.  But that lesson is not mine, it was Christ’s.

Peter recalls to John Mark an incident that proved just this point.  Mark wrote it down in chapter three and beginning in verse 31 saying … “There came then his brethren and his mother, and, standing without, sent unto him, calling him.”  This occurs at a time when Jesus is deeply engrossed in teaching His followers about the restorative love of God.  His mission is beyond healing only our bodies, but it remains for Jesus to heal our minds, and our souls.  He is demonstrating to his listeners what freedom from sin can really mean.  And during His teachings, His blood relations, or His family come to see Him.  Keep in mind this designation includes not only His mom, but “His brethren” or His siblings.  Mary did not remain a perpetual virgin after having Jesus Christ.  Instead she was a normal wife and mother.  She had sexual intimacy with Joseph, and the brothers and possibly sisters of Christ were a result.  Mary was like any other wife and mother, she loved her children, and her husband.  She had earned a place of respect in the family unit due to her choice and her commitment.  And now she was here with her other children to see Jesus.  But the venue was packed, another standing room only event, and she could not even get close enough to her Son, to ask Him what she was there to ask.  So they had to send in word by messenger.

John Mark records how the message progressed in verse 32 saying … “And the multitude sat about him, and they said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren without seek for thee.”  Whether it was whispered from person to person, or perhaps someone sitting there at the feet of Jesus saw His family outside waiting for Him and just assumed He needed to know, the message about His family waiting was delivered to Jesus.  Of course in so doing, the flow of His sermon was interrupted.  The train of thought had to by necessity pause, while consideration of this new situation was discussed and addressed.  Jesus, being divine, already knew they were there.  In addition, He already knew why they were there and what they wanted from Him.  He had already evaluated their needs and their request in His head before they arrived; had it been more critical to Him than what He was teaching, He would have ended His dialogue early, and met them outside, or on the road to go address what they felt was important.  But Jesus did none of this.  Instead He had remained inside, with these people in front of Him, teaching them something that outweighed the needs of His family.

Then Jesus does what the Supreme Court could not ever do as Mark continues the account in verse 33 saying … “And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren?”  This is not a casual question.  The parentage of Jesus Christ was “the” pivotal question of His ministry here on earth.  Jesus had repeatedly commanded the demons who fled before Him to remain silent on identifying Him as the literal Son of God.  To be born of a virgin was a miracle ONLY God could accomplish, and since it has never been done before or since, it remained an issue of faith to accept.  You will also note in this text, He does NOT ask who His Father is.  That question was to be settled as we examine His life.  But questioning who is His mother, and who are His siblings was intended to shock His audience into thinking deeper about what it means to be in a family with the Son of God.

Then Jesus ups the stakes in the definition of family as Peter has John Mark transcribe the further words of Christ in verse 34 saying … “And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!”  Ouch.  If our traditional views of blood relations were all that defined family, Jesus Christ just blew that away.  There would be no special place of respect for His mother standing outside, or for His siblings that grew up with Him.  Mary would be no intercessor with Christ as our Catholic friends might like to believe, as here Jesus plainly equates NO special status to her as to any other person sitting on the floor in front of Him.  To be the blood brother of Christ, did not afford His siblings any more special consideration than to be a stranger sitting at the feet of Jesus.  Blood is obviously not something that defines inclusion in the family of Jesus Christ.

Perfection was not a pre-requisite either.  The crowd sitting in front of Jesus were not well educated wealthy, religious leaders who committed little if any sins.  They were common folks.  The Pharisees who were deeply religious, wealthy, and obsessed with the keeping of the Law, had largely abandoned following after Jesus to learn.   They were instead plotting how to kill Him.  The people here on the floor were common sinners of every variety.  They were not there to justify their sins, or deny them, or make false claims about having already gained perfection.  They were universally guilty of sin.  But the focus there was on restoration and redemption.  To free these listeners from even their desire to sin, was the paramount goal of Jesus Christ.  In that mission, He could not be interrupted for trivial concerns.  And just because you had a blood relation, did not make your request more important that the restoration of one who is bound in sin.

Then Jesus made a declaration that would redefine family forever as John Mark records in verse 35 saying … “For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.”  It would not be about blood, it would be about choice and commitment.  Those listeners there had chosen to find Christ and learn at His feet, they had committed to being restored by Jesus Christ, and in so doing were named as part of His family.  When we choose to submit ourselves to Jesus Christ and let His will become ours, let Him remake our desires, our thinking, and ultimately our choices … we are making a choice to enter the family of the Son of God.  He considers us family as we unite with both Jesus and the Father God.  When we become in harmony with His Laws of Love, we become part of His family.  This can only happen, as our sin-sick diseased and addicted minds are remade by our Creator God.  We need re-creation, if we are to be brought into harmony with the Law of God which reflects His entry-level definition of what it means to love others. 

Being Jewish was and is not enough to be considered part of the family of Christ.  Being of the bloodline of David or Abraham was not enough.  Being Christian was and is not enough to be considered part of the family of Christ.  It is not just about making a declarative statement that we “believe” in Christ.  It is about taking that belief to Christ and surrendering “who” we are to Him to be remade.  For many a Christian does NOT do the will of the Father God, as instead they cling to the sins that define their characters.  This is not just a gay condition, it is a straight one.  It is not just about sexual expression or behavior, it is about loving self more than loving others.  We could completely abstain from sex altogether and still be found lacking in the pursuit of the will of the Father God, because we have not surrendered our desires to Him to be remade.

Those who focus on sex as the discriminator of proximity to Christ, ignore every other sin they are bound to.  Both gay and straight people lie.  Both steal.  Both love themselves more than they love others.  Both have pride, arrogance, and can reflect a coldness to those in need.  Christians are supposed to be the antithesis of these characteristics yet they are not.  It is the un-surrendered heart that keeps us at odds with the Law of God.  It is our pride in “who” we are that prevents us from being willing to put even our spouse or our sexuality on the altar of God.  We wish instead to retain the things that are important to us.  We wish to retain the things about us that define who we are.  We cherish our characters instead of looking at them with the disdain they deserve.  The only good in us, can be found as we reflect the Love of God to others.  This love does not originate in us, it is only reflected through us.  And that reflection is made dim or non-existent because we refuse to let go of who we are, choosing to try to retain ourselves and find a “partial” salvation instead of a full one.

It is as if we wish to get better from our cancer rather than find a cure for it.  It is as if we are comfortable being HIV positive as long as our condition does not evolve into full blown AIDs.  Jesus was not here to dispense so many spiritual pills to make us feel better about our diseases.  He was here to cure them all, fully.  He was here to restore us to the condition He had in mind for us.  When we are ready to put our sexuality on His altar, even if that means we live the rest of our lives in abstention, or are compelled to find another partner, or must forgive and recommit to the partner we have no matter how bad they treat us … to allow Jesus to reshape what we desire and how we love … is at the core of a full cure from our disease of sin.  Lest straight believers think I am only talking to our gay brothers and sisters, I am not.  Adam withheld Eve from the trust of the Lord to save her.  Eve was the one thing Adam was not willing to give up, and in joining her, he initiated sin into our world and our genetics from then to now.  Original sin was not found in homosexuality, it was found in the love of a husband for his wife, over that of his Creator.  That test remains for us all.  Is there anything, or any part of us, we love more than we love God?  If we hold back any part of ourselves from the restoration Christ offers, we cling to the cancer that kills us.

But, if we are willing to bring all of ourselves into surrender to Christ, then there is no difference between any of us in His eyes.  Our perfection will be the journey Christ brings us to.  It does NOT matter what sins we suffer from today, as ALL of them are to be a thing of the past as He remakes who we are, how we love, and how we think.  In this process, our sole job remains to love each other.  We are to be a family by choice and commitment, not by blood.  I am to love you, no matter what condition of sin you suffer from, or that I suffer from.  I am to love you without precondition, or demands upon you.  For it Jesus Christ who will free both you and I from our sins.  No need to judge your progress on that path, only to encourage you to remain on it, and ask that you encourage me to remain on it as well.  It is not our sins that exclude us from restoration, it is our unwillingness to see those sins disappear.  Letting go all of ourselves to Christ, frees us to love each other without condemnation or judgment.

The Supreme Court redefined legal marriage in our country this week.  But what spiritual marriage is, remains a concept no law of our land will ever fully be able to comprehend or enumerate in legal language.  The relationships that God blesses of family units begins with an entirely different understanding of what it means to love others like He loves others.  If we are not in harmony with how He loves, how we could possibly hope to understand what a true spiritual marriage is all about.  Instead we bring our selfishness into our weddings, and our lives, and look to see what marriage has to offer us; instead of holistically re-evaluating marriage through the eyes of Christ, and what it means to have intimacy between ourselves and our God as the underpinning of any choice and commitment.  The intimacy between each of us and our God must occur prior to the success of anything we call marriage.  If we are distant from the source of Love, how can we hope to truly love each other, as a spouse should be loved?

Before Christians decry the breakdown of the family unit because our country made something legal, they should take a serious look at why the concept of divorce exists, and the damage it causes to our families and our nation.  Divorce exists (and will now impact the gay community), because of the selfishness in how we love others.  It is a reflection of our addiction to loving self, and unwillingness to love another beyond the limits of our lives.  Divorce is enabled because Christians are unwilling to have their desires remade, and be taught a new way to love another.  If we were willing to submit the entirety of who we are in surrender to Jesus Christ, we would be making better decisions before marriage, and better decisions once in a marriage.  It is not the legality of our marriage license that determines the spiritual validity of marriage, it is determined in how much of ourselves we are willing to surrender to Jesus Christ to be remade by Him.  Full surrender will yield full restoration, and we can trust in Jesus to save us from ourselves.  To be part of the family of the Son of God, remains only about choice, and about commitment.  How much of who you are, are you willing to relinquish to Christ?  Or perhaps better stated … how much pain would you like to let go of as our Lord offers a full cure just for that asking?