Perfected Marriage ...

Who will win the next SuperBowl is an annual topic of conversation in early January.  The answer of course is … “advertisers”.  It is said as many people tune in to see the game, as to watch the commercials presented during it.  It is one of the last “live” events on television where folks prefer NOT to use the DVR to avoid the ads, instead they want to enjoy it “live” with friends and family.  But to have a SuperBowl there has to be a fundamental understanding of the game, and how the game works.  Each team will attempt to win the game within the rules, using strategies they have practiced with each other within the rules.  Without this shared fundamental understanding of how the game of football is supposed to work, the SuperBowl looks a lot more like the PuppyBowl.  Imagine if the players entered the field, and when the ball was snapped, everybody just took off running in every direction both offense and defense into the stands, leaving the ball dropped where it was, and emptying the field completely.  This kind of nonsense would destroy the game of football pretty quick, in fact it would destroy any team sport.  And after 6,000 years of practicing marriage, that is precisely where we find ourselves, lacking a complete understanding of the fundamentals of the game.  We have left the ball on the field, and are running in every direction.  But this is something we could correct, if we could just listen to what marriage was all about … this time from its Author.

As it turns out, problems in marriage is not a new phenomenon to our day in age.  They date back quite a while (husbands might joke to the advent of women).  But Peter and the folks who lived in his day, had just as many questions, and appeared to lack knowledge just as much as us, about the fundamentals of the game.  So of course, the Pharisees decided this was a topic they could question Christ about, and “prove” He was not really the Messiah.  You see if Jesus got just one answer wrong, He would lose the game, and the people would stop listening to Him.  So periodically throughout His ministry, the Pharisees and Scribes would attempt to pick one of those “no win” questions to ask Christ.  No matter which choice He would pick, the answer could be proven wrong by them.  They continually setup choices for Jesus, either A or B, and whichever one He would pick, He would lose.  The problem for them of course, was that Jesus continued to answer in a way that expanded their knowledge of the law, and was neither A or B, but something entirely better.  And it was the Pharisees who would lose.

Peter begins relaying just such an incident to John Mark who transcribes it in his Gospel of Mark picking up in the tenth chapter in verse one saying … “And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again.”  Jesus had moved very close to the territory of the Temple headquarters.  He had brought His visiting team on to home field of the Pharisees.  And as usual, the people came to see Him in droves.  It was no small irony that Jesus picked the place on the far side of the Jordan, where not too long ago, John the Baptist’s voice could be heard there bellowing to repent.  John the Baptist was considered no friend of the Pharisees either, calling them out publicly for their hypocrisy.  So this affront of Jesus “stealing” the attention of the people could not go unanswered.

Mark continues in verse 2 saying … “And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.”  The games had begun.  The Pharisees had asked Jesus a Yes or No question, they were not looking for a sermon, or to give Him a chance to expound upon an answer.  This is the reason why Peter specifically told John Mark this was a way for the Pharisees to be “tempting Him”.  If Jesus said yes, then the Pharisees could decry Jesus as being the “destroyer” of the family unit, and could persuade the people to listen no longer.  If Jesus said no, then the Pharisees could decry Jesus as not being practical, or in alignment with their traditions and laws.  Either way, they were set to pounce.  But Jesus would not so easily be drawn into this trap, instead He had in mind to teach them, and all in attendance something much deeper about marriage itself.  First, Jesus must examine them to determine where the state of marriage was in this time.

John Mark continues transcribing in verse 3 saying … “And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?”  Moses was the defacto “hero” of the Pharisees.  They used and misused everything Moses had ever said or done or written, to their own benefit.  So in asking them a question rooted in their hero, Jesus gets them to commit to where their own hearts were in this day, and the answer they would prefer it were up to them.  The Pharisees answer in verse 4 saying … “And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.”  Moses had indeed established this ability for the dissolution of marriage.  But in the days of Moses, or in the days of the Pharisees, or in ours, this was never supposed to be first option executed the first time 2 people discovered they did not agree on something.  However, that is what it had degenerated to in the time of the Pharisees and in ours.  There was no stigma in obtaining a divorce in the time of the Pharisees or in ours, it was rather a simple legal matter than anyone to seek and obtain with minimal personal inconvenience.  It was and is as easy as buying or selling property.  No one gave it a second thought.  If you wanted one you got one, period.  But this state of marriage reveals a fundamental lack of knowledge of what marriage really is. 

Jesus responds in verse 5 saying … “And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.”  Divorce, as it turns out, is NOT a pre-creation or before-the-fall concept.  It was NOT considered pre-sin, only post-sin.  Divorce is a recognition of the effect of sin on and within a marriage, it was a necessity because of the damage sin can cause, from abuse, to infidelity, to a lack of commitment, to disagreements we have not the patience to resolve with self-sacrifice.  This is why Moses recognized the “need” for an escape clause in marriage.  Women were not meant to be killed in the name of preserving their marriages.  And there are a host of legitimate reasons why divorce may be needed in our age, or in any age, but ALL of them fundamentally begin with either one party or the other, engaged in a sin of some sort.  Unrepentant sin is the hardest of all to endure in a marriage.  And each party has to decide how much they can endure, before separation through divorce simply makes more sense.  But if the hard-truth of Divorce is that it is a post-sin reality, that means Marriage is a pre-sin reality with no thought of divorce.

Thus Jesus begins His lesson about the fundamentals of marriage we have all forgotten in verse 6 saying … “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.”  This is our Creator talking.  This is our God talking.  It was His choice to make not only our species, but nearly every species into the categories of male and female.  He did NOT have to do this, He chose to do this, by design.  He chose to do this with an eye to eternity.  This was NOT a result of our sin, unlike Divorce which recognizes the reality of the impact of sin upon us, our original structural design was “created” both male and female.  We were none of us meant to be alone.  We were all of us meant to have a companion that is not exactly like us, but like a jigsaw puzzle, compliments us, supports us, becomes the better half of who we are.  This entire phenomenon was established in our creation and in our design.  It was done this way prior to sin, not as a result of it.

Jesus continues in verse 7 saying … “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;”  Family units of old tended to stay together for nearly every reason.  Oh sure, in our age, children may go away to school, and strike out on their own in new jobs, but even so, they remain our babies.  But for ONE reason alone, do the children eventually really leave the nest since creation; for the sake of Marriage, which forms the fundamental basis of creating a NEW family unit.  I am my father’s son, and my mother’s son, UNTIL I am starting a family unit of my own, the point at which I am committing to be my wife’s husband.  At this point, my wife and the commitment we will share supersedes all other commitments even other familial ones.  At this point there is no such thing as momma’s boy or daddy’s girl, only husband and wife.  This is our Creator talking again.  It is our Creator, who is stating, that for the sake of marriage, we would leave behind our families, and “cleave” to our spouse.  Even the word cleave, implies a cutting away of the older heartstrings, to establish the newer ones.  This is our Creator establishing the priority of who we love in our lives.  Our spouse becomes THE most important person we will ever love, even more than we will love our own children.  The reason then must be something we have missed.

Jesus continues in verse 8 saying … “And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”  There is something more here than the mechanics of sexual expression.  There is something far deeper and something that speaks to the fundamentals of the game.  In the ultimate act of intimacy between husband and wife is formed the physical manifestation of becoming “one”.  In this, we lose our identity of self, willingly joining it, to the identity of us as one unit.  I am no longer me, a half of who I used to be.  I am now only complete when I am we, established, rooted, and grounded as a whole, only when you consider my wife who comprises my better half.  When you look at her, you should see me there as well, bound to her, part of her.  Each of us inseparable to the other because we no longer think in terms of one being, but of two joined to be one.  To hurt her, is to destroy me.  To injure me, is to wound her.  We react as one, we unite as one, we have the same goals.  Our individual strengths are lent to the unit of one who we become.  Our individual weaknesses are covered by the one who has chosen to join with us.  One flesh, is not something that happens a few times a week, late at night, when both of you can find the time.  It is something that changes who you are, to the core of you.  It is a commitment to change who you are, by accepting your other half and integrating it into your very soul.

In the physical act or the singular union, where two consent to become one, is ONLY where the act of pro-creation can occur.  We are created in the image of our God, with imaginations of our own, with creativity of our own, with artistry.  We can make great contributions to our world and our society unleashing the gifts we have been given alone throughout our lives.  But our very existence can only occur, when two have consented to become one.  The act of bringing another new life into the universe was meant for us to share with our God.  We pro-create and borrow the elements needed from two humans to form a new one.  The formation of that new life will take time, and care, and sometimes may not reach its true human potential (either before birth or after it).  But it cannot begin, it cannot be instantiated without the materials required from the union of two becoming one.  In the process of a union this close, is born the joyful act of pro-creating a new life.  It was intended to be a three-way partnership with our God.  It was meant to draw our eyes back to Him, and to teach us the love of a parent, so much like the love He has for each of us.

Marriage is about as much a contract about property rights, as the library of Congress is about a single book.  This is the part of the fundamentals we have lost, an understanding about just how deep our choice will go into who we are.  The kind of intimacy our Creator is talking about is where two individuals become one family unit, just like He is with His Father.  They are One, yet separate and distinct entities. They choose to be One, of like mind, and of like goals, yet different.  They form our One God, yet we know them to be three entities.  In our marriage we are two entities, separate and distinct, but in our choice to wed, we are giving up half of ourselves to make room for our new half.  We are no longer referring to ourselves in a singular reference, because we are no longer singular, but plural.  In this context, there is no such thing as my money, or her money, there is only our money; which should be used for the benefit of the one I love most.  In this context, there is no such thing as a decision over which I should exert authority because of my preference.  I have no preference, but that which is ours.  In this context, there is no disunion between mom and dad where junior is concerned, her word is my word, and my word is her word.

The level of intimacy described here is a joining of minds far deeper than one we have ever considered before.  It is a sacrifice of self, far deeper than we have ever pondered before.  It is a union much closer than we have ever pondered before.  If what our Creator describes was the union Adam and Eve experienced before sin, and though scarred even after sin; do we imagine for a moment that Adam would have considered wanting a Divorce from Eve because life was hard?  He gave up perfection for Eve.  He broke trust with God over Eve, because she was so much a part of who he was.  When she died, he would look for no other replacement “spouse” because in his thinking death was not a get out of jail free card, it was a momentary delay before they could be reunited again.  The marriage of Adam and Eve was meant to be eternal.  The institution of marriage was meant to be eternal.  Divorce will one day pass away, as will all sin, but marriage was pre-sin, and will stand.  Consider what our Creator has to say about it …

Jesus continues in verse 9 saying … “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  Marriage or the joining of two into one was something God established, what our Creator did for us, as evidenced by our very design, in male and female entities.  Let not man put asunder, or in other words, let not man think he is able to so casually mess it up.  There is no time constraint on this.  If marriage were an obsolete concept Jesus could have told us that.  If marriage too, were only valid in this world, and needed due to sin, Jesus could have told us that too.  He did not.  He did not lump in marriage with the need for divorce.  Instead, He puts the eternal stamp of God on it.  Marriage or the joining of two people into a single unit, was meant to be something that lasts beyond sin, beyond this world.  In that case, the death of my better half, is not a valid reason to seek another replacement unit.  The weakness of mankind may necessitate this, but the intent of marriage did not.  Death is a momentary interruption from my proximity to the half of me that was torn away, it is NOT the dissolution of my marriage.

What man has put asunder is staggering.  Because we treat marriage so casually as only a sex partner, and equity partner, we divorce and remarry like breathing.  But in so doing, we have never really married.  We have agreed to share some portions of our lives, but never agreed to let go the half of who we are, to become blended with someone else.  To adopt their likes and preferences, to share who we are to the point of blending souls, thinking as one, loving as one, living as one.  Instead our society (and the enemy who fosters it), teaches us to maintain our identity, never sacrificing it for ANYONE, not husband or wife.  Our society would have us leave our families and go on journeys to find out who we are.  Our society would have us destroy intimacy in the name of self-reliance.  But to sacrifice to another person so wholly that nothing is withheld, to love so deeply that another is always first in our eyes, to think of another person as the part of ourselves that makes us better, makes us complete – this is the ideas of marriage our Creator had in mind.  And He had them in mind on an eternal basis, not just a temporary one.  It is our weakness that introduced the need for replacements.  It is because we do not truly become one flesh in the core of who we are, that we maintain the idea of 2 people with 2 distinct persona’s sharing only for a while what is convenient to share.

But this lesson was not quite over.  John Mark continues in verse 10 saying … “And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. [verse 11] And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. [verse 12] And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.”  The laws in the days of the Pharisees were treating something so intimate as something very casual (sound familiar).  What Jesus explains to his disciples later on this topic, is that one cannot make this kind of commitment and just later casually change your mind about it.  One who has known this level of intimacy cannot walk away from it and just find another partner.  Whether woman or man, the mechanics of sex with someone else, forms the basis for adultery.  The intimacy that marriage intends is not a casual, multiple choice kind of scenario.  It is a one time, no room for anybody else scenario.  It is a reformation of who we are to become blended with another, that is not something easily redone.

When we reach heaven our Creator will have put right, the scenarios our sin and our weakness have put asunder.  Our Creator will have to heal the hearts of those that are split, and broken, and betrayed.  The establishment of marriage, though wounded by man, has not been destroyed entirely by us, or our sin.  It simply needs a restoration that our Creator is capable of both here, and in the world to come.  Those who believe they love more than one love, can find joy in loving only the one our Creator would have us love.  Our design is not being altered upon going to heaven.  We were created as man and woman and will remain so.  The institution of marriage is not being obliterated by our sins, but it will need repair.  But if we were to see our marriages become perfected here we must follow the same path we follow to see our characters become perfect.  We must learn to submit ourselves to Jesus, and allow Him to change the core of who we are, to want different things, to love in a different way.  The married ones of us, will find a deeper love and a deeper intimacy with our spouses in this process.  We may even learn to have perfected marriages in this world ahead of the one to come.  We may find our goals too become eternal, and not just for the brief time we occupy this world.  We may even find the unity of the One God in the one person we become, sharing that level of unity and love for others, so that when other see either of us, they see both of us perfectly blending into one flesh.  And His love shining through that perfect blend.