Marriage and Original Intent ...

What do you know about Ebola?  Chances are you know it is dangerous, contagious, and left untreated, highly lethal.  It is a virus.  You don’t see it coming.  You get exposed and before you know it, symptoms like the flu, and from there it gets worse fast.  What has this to do with marriage?  Nothing.  What does it have to do with sin, on the other hand, a great deal.  Sin and Ebola have a lot in common.  Where Ebola focuses on your internal organs; sin takes particular aim at your heart.  Where Ebola begins to block the normal functions of your organs turning them into soup; sin blocks your heart’s ability to love turning it into stone, well at least to love anyone other than yourself.  Sin, and it does not matter what type you consider, is extremely effective at turning loving hearts, into rock-hard useless hearts, that no longer care about others, nearly at all.  Sin is a disease.  It is difficult to treat, and is dangerous, mostly because we take our own medical advice, instead of the One Physician who is capable to fixing us.

But why talk about sin, when the topic of this study has to do with Marriage?  Because so much of our thinking about Marriage is steeped in sin, and we are unaware of it.  Our modern day versions of Marriage are nearly as far from the original intent as possible.  We treat Marriage like the legal contract it has become in our country; enforceable by the courts, with terms and conditions like a “pre-nuptial” becoming commonplace for anyone with means.  The very idea of a pre-nup is to protect yourself against the inevitability of “failing” at marriage.  But then, if Marriage has become nothing more than a particular version of a contract, requiring the “permission” of the state to be legal, then protections like a “pre-nup” would seem to make a lot of sense.  This is especially true when the failure rate persists at close to 50% in and out of the church.  But succumbing to this definition of marriage, is injecting so much sin into our thinking, we can hardly see past it.  How about instead of these modern ideas, we try a reset.

To truly understand Marriage, we need to go back to where it was invented.  At Creation, the animals were all created male and female, and the concept of families across every specie was born.  That is every specie but ours.  Adam was created alone.  It did not take him long, to realize he was alone.  Adam began to see and sense his need.  As perfect as the garden was, as perfect as he was, as indeed all of creation was, it was still missing something.  What it was missing could not even be replaced by God in the Trinity.  Companionship with Jesus was still not enough for Adam as a singular entity.  Perhaps because Adam was created in the image of God, he felt a sense of incompleteness that only another human could suffice.  Adam needed to be able to pour out his love on someone else.  Adam needed someone he could cherish above all other forms of creation.  Someone who could give his perfect heart, a target to serve, to love, to make happy, and as God made possible, to become One with.

God allowed Adam to see this need even before Eve was created.  Once he realized it, the need was met, not using some other foreign dust, but literally using some of Adam own’s flesh, his ribs and some tissue to be precise.  At the outset, the personage of Eve was already One with Adam in that she came directly from him, through the process of God’s creation.  The creation of both people, allowed both people to pour out their love on each other, without limits, without worry, with total trust and respect.  Two caring hearts totally invested in each other.  Then to top it off, future pro-creations would occur, ONLY, by two people becoming One flesh.  The act of reuniting bodies (and souls), so that two bodies became one, of unified purpose, would result in the process of procreation.  Neither could just will it to happen, or do something alone to see it done.  It took two.  It still does.  This ultimate act of intimacy between husband and wife, brought about family, even more targets to cherish, and pour out our love upon.

And here is something to consider.  Had Adam and Eve never disobeyed God, never broke trust with God, their Marriage would have lasted eternally – no expiration date, ever.  God did not create Marriage, to be some summer thing, that ends when the world fills up with babies.  The need for marriage had nothing to do with making a quotient of babies, it had to do with meeting the need of two people to become One in heart – pouring their love out on each other, first, foremost, and forever.  Babies, and the generations that would follow, would be icing on the cake, never replace the cake itself.  The intimacy God created, He had NO intention of ever undoing.  It is a need, hard woven, into the DNA of His creation.  A need that can only be met in one way.  To ignore that, is to ignore who we are, and who made us.

So as Marriage was created prior to sin, there is no reason to think, it will not survive sin, live past the destruction of sin, and be an institution that survives eternity.  The original intent of it, was something that was to live forever.  Perfect hearts, understand the need to pour out their love, not on themselves, like Lucifer did, but on each other like God does, and like Adam and Eve did.  It is only ever the Ebola of sin that can mess that up.  Sin brings pain, and eventually death.  Neither of those things were ever supposed to be here.  Life and happiness were supposed to be our daily routine, not pain and death.  There was never supposed to be such a thing as a “widow”.  You cannot by definition have a “widow” if neither spouse ever dies.  Original intent did not account for widows.  Sin gave us that term, and the sadness of its meaning.

Divorce.  That is, the elective choice to refuse to pour out your love any longer, for whatever the reason, between two people, was NEVER supposed to happen.  Why would it?  In perfection, with people who have perfect hearts, who have never tasted sin, Divorce would be crazy talk.  It is purely coo-coo-lu-lu.  Nonsense.  Do you seriously think Adam and Eve, if they never tasted sin, would spontaneous decide to stop loving?  Do you think they would have preferred loneliness to companionship, without the ebola-like virus of sin targeting their hearts?  Nope.  Once again, original intent did not account for divorce.  It took the embrace of sin, to create that term, and the sadness of its meaning.  And you can bet, once heaven is all that is left, and sin has gone the way of extinction.  Divorce will leave with it.  Leaving behind only married couples, and families, who pour out their love on each other without limits, with total trust, respect, and unrivaled care.  The interest of husband in wife, and of wife in husband, will be so great our feeble minds, can barely comprehend it.  But in perfection, we will understand it perfectly, and prefer nothing else.  Like Adam did, as soon as he saw his need, prior to even Eve’s existence.

So as Matthew begins to write of the topic of divorce, we must remember the context, in which we have this discussion.  We must remember what was originally intended, and how far we have come from that, and why.  And we must remember, where we are heading back to, and what future lives will be like, once the Ebola of sin is gone from us forever.  It is in that vein Matthew begins his counsel to the Hebrews in chapter nineteen of his gospel, picking up in verse one saying … “And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the coasts of Judaea beyond Jordan; [verse 2] And great multitudes followed him; and he healed them there.”  It begins with a change of venue from the events and teachings of chapter 18, moving to a new place, but picking right up with the healing and restoration ministry Jesus was so famous for.

Matthew continues in verse 3 saying … “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?”  The Pharisees could not allow so many to be healed, without once again trying to challenge the authority of Jesus.  You will note the word “tempting” as they come to Jesus, with what they think is an impossible question.  This is intended as a trap, it is not good Biblical theological discussion.  For that they would have referred themselves back to original intent, and what it takes our hearts to be, to preserve marriage in a world of sin, pain, and death.  Nonetheless, Jesus has an answer picking up in verse 4 saying … “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,”  Jesus refers us all back to Creation.  He calls their attention (and ours) to the fact that He made us all (every specie) male and female.

Jesus continues in verse 5 saying … “And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”  This is actually a reference all the way back to texts in Genesis that Moses wrote when considering the beginning of our specie.  Moses wrote the words many millenia after creation, but his perspective was right on, and here Jesus affirms the cause and effect, and reasoning of what happens now, when boy meets girl, and their love drives them to be together.  Even the draw of family must be secondary to the draw of the love between them.  This is what was intended, and what still happens at the outset.

Jesus continues in verse 6 saying … “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  What God has joined.  This is not just a momentary joining of genitals, it is a permanent joining of hearts, of minds, of souls.  Two becoming One, means that neither is complete without the other, we do not speak as one person anymore, but as two people joined as one.  We share the unity model that the Trinity provides us example of.  Distinct individual parts of a Godhead that choose to act as One, in One accord with each other.  This is the level of intimacy intended to exist in our marriage.  To inflict pain upon each other is to inflict pain upon ourselves.  Pain was never intended to exist.  It took the Ebola of sin, to give us that.  And it takes our continued stupidity of trying to fix that version of Ebola on our own, with no medical understanding of how this version works, instead of surrendering to the Master Physician, who alone can bring us peace, and restore our hearts to each other once again.  The third member of our marital unit was always going to be the Creator who gifted us with it.  Our own trinities would always have that foundation, but only if we choose it.

But the Pharisees just cannot leave well enough alone.  They have to push it.  So Matthew records the escalation in verse 7 saying … “They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?”  The cite the counsel of Moses, out of context by the way, and attempt to put Jesus at odds with Moses, even though Jesus has just affirmed one of Moses’ earlier scriptures in Genesis.  But Jesus has another answer for them, they are likely not going to like, and frankly none of us Ebola infected sinners are too fond of either.  Jesus responds in verse 8 saying … “He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”  The dissolution of marriage stems only from one key reason, the hardness of our hearts.  We love ourselves, more than we love another, even the one we pledged ourselves to, and who at the outset of our relationship, could not imagine living without.

Once again Jesus reaffirms, even the idea of divorce, was not something that existed at creation, the idea was ludicrous prior to the introduction of the Ebola of sin.  We have gotten so used to the idea of divorce, and so comfortable with it, we forget that.  We forget, it was never intended, or needed, at creation.  If sin had never found its way into this world, divorce would have been a non-sense word, nobody could comprehend the meaning of.  As useless as poo, which is another concept we would have never experienced.  Then Jesus continues his response saying in verse 9 … “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”  This is the text that get us all twisted up, in our ideas of interpretation.

But there is a difference in perspective.  Jesus puts on a lens of original intent, and then looks at the behaviors our hard hearts are willing to embrace.  We are so casual with our eternal commitments.  We jump from one “intimate” relationship to another.  But heaven sees only the first commitment we ever made, not understanding how we would ever choose to let that one go.  If we bound ourselves to what we said, that is, to live by the vows of eternity – then anything else we do with others down the line, by definition can only be adultery (no matter what the state says is legal or not), and no matter how many papers we obtain from the church that have the word divorce printed on them.  When God says forever, He actually means forever.  He does not change His mind about loving us, just because the going gets tough.  He died to prove that point.  Even His own life was not more important to Him, than eternal companionship with you.

His disciples heard all of this, and decided better to just avoid marriage altogether.  Matthew continues in verse 10 saying … “His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.”  Imagine that.  Better loneliness, better to deny our nature, than to misuse the institutions of our creator, or find strength in the unity He advocated all the way back in the garden, when Jesus asked Eve and Adam to never leave each other’s side.  Jesus responds in verse 11 saying … “But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. [verse 12] For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

Jesus then offers a very profound observation on the condition of man, still impacted by the Ebola of sin.  We must decide, how far are will willing to trust Jesus, with who we are.  Are we willing to trust Him so far, we are willing to turn over even our sexuality to Him?  Eunichs (men unable to have sex); some were born this way, others forced into this by the evil of men, still others who would prefer it, rather than lose the Kingdom of heaven.  Not everyone was intended to be one way, or another.  The message is personal.  And it is for each of us.  The only commonality between us, is the level to which we trust our God with who we are.  Are we willing to do what Adam would not?  Are we willing to turn over our spouse to God, and trust in His wisdom.  You can bet there is going to need to be a lot of heart healing in heaven because of the messes we have made with marriages here on earth.  “Till death do you part” is NOT how God sees it.  Keep in mind, death was never supposed to be part of the equation.  But the human condition of marrying again after the separation of death seems understandable.  Yet still on resurrection day, someone will be trusting God with their heart, enough to let go, and let God decide where to look again, and when, and to who.  Do you trust God that much?  Adam did not.

For those of my gay brothers and sisters, who are absolutely convinced God has made them this way.  I will not argue with you.  I will only ask you the same cutting question, I have to ask myself.  Am I willing to turn over even my sexuality, and the love of my life, to God?  And allow Him to do with me, and with her, as He pleases, even though that is not what I might want?  If so.  God may remake me, according to His will, which may have been different than what I thought I was to be.  God may remake my marriage, perhaps dissolve it, and move it to the proper objectives, thus healing many in the process when once we walk on golden streets.  He may however, also affirm who I am, and affirm my marriage intending it for eternal longevity.  It is not what He does that matters, it is whether or not, I am willing to let Him do it.  If I am willing, then I should have no fear, for even if I am wrong now, I will be healed, and find greater happiness in Him, than I could have on my own.  It is this level of trust in Jesus, that allows us to relearn how to love.  It makes me a completely different kind of husband.  And it resets my perceptions of marriage into something I will spend eternity trying to learn more about.  It makes me want to serve my wife, not just in the now, but with an eternal eye.

It is the Ebola of sin, that warps our thinking, dwarfs our potential, and causes us to accept modern ideas of marriage that depend on state concurrence, or support even the church’s earthly perspectives.  This instead of turning back to original intent.  And seeking Jesus to become the third part of the trinity of our relationships, to provide the foundations we need, and alter how we love.  It is Jesus that softens our hearts of stone, and turns the minds of husbands back to wives, and wives back to husbands, until the two of them appear as One, to any who pay attention.  It is Jesus alone who brings this level of unity.

And there was so much more that our Lord had to say …

Blood by Choice ...

You can’t pick your family … or can you?  Blood relations are supposed to be the strongest on earth.  But this is a myth quickly undone by simple logic.  Your parents chose each other.  No one compelled them (ideally), and no one dictates they stay together, or crumble apart.  It was and remains (ideally) a choice of two people to become one and remain that way.  Your parents are not related to each other by blood relation, unless that blood relation is quite distant.  Yet the bond a husband can have with his wife, and she with him, is a bond capable of being stronger than titanium dipped in Jesus more permanent than any other on earth; or as flimsy as the tissue paper of self-will that demonstration will show.  But the core of a family is at its core, a choice to love.  And where perhaps our hearts are still fickle in the choice of our partner for life, they seem less so in our choice of son, daughter, or parent.

Adoption is yet another choice to make blood, what inheritance failed to create.  Adoption does not diminish the love it states, it perhaps makes it greater.  It is a greater commitment.  Taking in a child, who is not blood, and make that child part of a family, is a statement about how deep the choice to love can truly be.  Even in the face of divorced couples, children remain children, adopted or not.  The love shown to them, the care taken of them, does not diminish because it began with a choice, it deepens because of it.  And over time, when the child’s curiosity about biological parents emerges, love for adopted parents remains a choice in nearly every life.  At the root of the bond between a parent and a child, is a choice to love, whether by inheritance or by fortune.  The choice begins the journey, the choice remains throughout the journey.

These choices do not only reveal themselves in marriage and in adoption of any form.  They can emerge in the relationships we form with our closest friends over time.  Because the choice to love is by definition a choice; other close relationships can form where brothers of no relation think of themselves as brothers in any case.  It may be a different kind of love, but it is a love nonetheless.  Situations where friends of the family become part of the family are common, blurring the definitions of family altogether; and frankly emulating more what heaven will ultimately be like.  Agape love is no less a love than any other kind of it.  And the love Jesus, The Father, and The Holy Spirit have for you is the pinnacle of what love can be defined as.  Not a romantic love, but a love so deep, the God of the Universe would die to save only you if that is what it took.  In every situation, love remains a choice.

This is a lesson the sons of Abraham were reluctant to learn in the time of Jesus, and perhaps we are today as well.  Jews in the time of Christ believed that bloodline led to salvation.  Christians in our day believe that tradition, church, and religion do the same.  Jews in the time of Christ were proud to call Abraham their father.  Christians in our day are proud to look back at the patriarchs of our faith and claim association with them over common beliefs.  But the average, or particular, or singular Jew in the Sanhedrin at the time of Jesus did not have the exact faith of Abraham.  It is why Abraham is remembered, and the average Jew is not.  It is the same with you and I.  Neither of us were pinning the list of church reforms on the door, knowing it was likely insuring our own death sentences today.  We like to look back at reformers like Luther, but we do not face Luther’s danger in the face of death in our world.  Strange though, the propensity to look backwards for assurance that salvation is ours, when all along, Jesus is right in front of us and how seldom we seem to look there.

But Jesus has different ideas about family, than perhaps the tradition Jew did in His day, or the typical Christian does in ours.  Matthew wrote of this in his gospel in chapter twelve picking up in verse 46 saying … “While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him. [verse 47] Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.”  This is a simple situation.  Jesus is preaching, likely from inside Peter’s house in Capernaum.  Likely the crowds are thick there, inside and outside the house.  It makes it difficult for anyone to get inside the house.  You will recall the men who took the roof apart to get their friend close to Jesus for healing.  This is likely a standing room only crowd, and every single listener is intent to hear the word of God from the mouth of God Himself.

But despite this, the family of Jesus wanted to see Him.  Perhaps they had important news, perhaps they only wanted to socialize.  It did not matter.  They were unable to get anywhere near close enough to Jesus to accomplish what they had in mind.  The reason; too many other people were so desperate to hear what salvation was, and how it comes.  In spite of this, His family persisted.  They get a messenger to get the news to Jesus so He can remedy the situation.  Jesus responds in verse 48 saying … “But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? [verse 49] And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! [verse 50] For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.”

Much to unpack here.  Jesus begins by questioning the messenger with a very strange question.  “Who” is His mother, and His siblings?  The answer should have been obvious.  But even in this question is an implication that “blood” does not grant one special privilege.  Beyond this, is a subtle message to our Catholic friends who so venerate Mary.  Jesus places His mother Mary in the same category as He does everyone else, nothing more special about her.  And Jesus is clear that He has siblings.  As Jesus had to be first born (according to Jewish tradition), having further brothers and sisters, makes Mary a normal wife, not a virgin for the length of her life.  But even the mothers who read this text cringe with the idea that their child might look at them with the same eyes He looks at the entire rest of the world.

Next, the ideas of Family are radically expanded in the view of Jesus.  Everyone who shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven … becomes the family of Jesus Christ.  Jesus does not just say, every Jew by birth.  Nor does He say, every Christian who claims to follow Jesus.  He states everyone who like Himself defers His own will, to do the will of the Father which is in heaven, becomes His idea of family.  Being Jewish by birth, or being Christian by faith, does not make you in harmony with the Father God.  It gives you a good start, but is nowhere near enough to finish the job.  For that you need a deference of your will, and an embrace of His will.  That only happens as you surrender the core of who you are to Jesus, so that He can bring you into harmony with God.  Doing what you think is right, is not enough.  Jews did that.  Christians still do.  And it is not enough.  The blood relatives of Jesus were doing what they thought was right, at the moment, and were going to be disappointed.  What Mary and the siblings of Jesus were thinking was the right thing to do, was not, at least not right then.  More important things were going on.  The salvation of others was going on.  On that scale, everyone can wait.

While Jesus has only One Father, He is quite liberal with titling anyone else who submits to the will of His Father in heaven as being “brother, sister, or mother”.  Here again His mother is not a title He makes sacrosanct above all others.  She is only another member of His family.  Here is where the ideas of family get radically expanded in the eye of Jesus.  In heaven, outside of the spousal relationship Jesus created at Eden, everyone else we encounter will be our family – by choice.  We will choose to love them as we love our siblings or parents or children, because we will choose to love them that much.  I can entrust my children with you in heaven, because I know you will love them as much as I do.  You can entrust your children with me, for the same reason.  I will not covet your wife, as you will not covet mine, not just because the Law forbids it, but because we love each other that much.

You will note Jesus does not include husband or wife in His list of family members.  His “bride” is the church, as He loves it that much.  The church is special to Him and unique, and singular, even though it is made up of many of us who believe.  At the core of all of this remains a choice to love.  At the core of love itself is a definition that includes choice, or it can be no real love at all.  We were not created as robots for this very reason.  God is love.  God chooses to love.  We were created in the image of God.  We are capable of love, or not.  We must choose to love God, or not.  Our love for God cannot be forced and He will never force us to love anything or anyone.  We make a choice to do that.  This is how God wants it.  He reveals His love to us, long before He ever asks for ours in return.  There is every reason for us to love God, and only one not to.  Selfishness is the enemy of loving God.  It turns out you can only love yourself or God, not both. 

Many Christians believe that loving one’s self is healthy, and must be done before they are capable of loving others.  This is a lie, evidenced by the very life of Christ Himself.  Jesus did nothing to love Himself, and everything to demonstrate love for us.  Jesus never took vacation.  Jesus never ate all the food first, He gave everyone else the food first, served everyone else, and only then would consider eating.  Talk about not being strong enough.  But Jesus got His strength from doing the will of His Father, which like Him, was to love everyone else before anything resembling self-love.  Not a single evidence in scripture of self-love, or using His power to help Himself, not once.  And somehow, we think it is different for us?  It’s not.  The choice we make to love, is a choice we make to love someone else.  When instead we choose to love ourselves, divorces ensue, families dissolve, everything that ever really mattered is sacrificed on an altar of pleasing self that has no end to it. 

Family bonds are as strong as the depth of our surrender of will to Jesus Christ.  Choices to love that stem from this kind of surrender to Jesus are like titanium dipped in diamonds.  The choice to love self instead, can form bonds only as strong as tissue paper waiting the next form of self-gratification.  As for me, I prefer the permanence Jesus can offer, and the fulfillment only Jesus can bring; than the mess of things I know I make, and history is quick to reveal …

Boobies, PeePee's, and Other Unspeakable Things ...

Most folks, particularly of the Christian variety, would like to think, that the scriptures say nothing about porn.  But they might.  Oh sure, in the time of Christ, there was no internet stocked full of free porn sites designed to lure the viewer into finding the kinds of things that might arouse interest; and stay, and deepen the interest by indulging in it with such regularity that perhaps new and even more unusual images might peak the interest on the next visit.  The foundational idea of porn is that variety is the core of arousal, monotony is the death of it.  So while in the time of Christ there was not this vast established infrastructure to support porn from a distribution point of view; there was still one constant, the mind and imagination of the men and women who fostered indulgent thinking behind a mask of upright and conscientious external appearances.  After all the imagination of a person can hide a great many thoughts, inappropriate ideas, and downright lusts, from our friends, family, and neighbors … but not from Jesus.

Yikes!  To think that Jesus is privy to our most intimate thoughts, and fully aware of every sexual idea that has crossed our minds from an age too young to consider it, to an age too old to act on it (minus perhaps a little blue pill), is embarrassing to say the least.  Generally, we think of our sexuality as private, as personal, a kind of no-one-else’s business perhaps including God.  Well more accurately, especially excluding God given the thoughts that float through our heads from time-to-time.  To think we are not living in as private a condition as our sin demands is un-nerving.  To consider the idea of openly including God in our sexuality is not something even most Christians are comfortable with.  But then, God created it, He understands it better than we ever will, so why exclude Him?  The idea that our sense of privacy inherently excludes God should give us an indication that our ideas are not lining up with His, or at least with what we have been taught about His ideas.

But before we can talk about where things went wrong we might consider the template of when things were first perfect.  Before sin.  Before the apple tasting when both of our original parents chose to break trust with God, there was the concept of male and female, and the partnership we refer to as marriage.  The original template however was something much deeper and more intimate, and more vulnerable, than the casual use we make of the word marriage in our modern day.  Eve was not just Adam’s helper, she was his everything, he was willing to let go of Eden and die rather than lose her.  He held nothing back from her.  Not thoughts, ideas, dreams … everything that could enter the mind of Adam was shared in perfection with the flesh of his flesh.  They both existed naked and unashamed, clothing was a by-product of sin.  Their physique’s were not a source of pride, or of lust, but of the beauty of the finger of God, and what He was able to sculpt from the dirt of our earth.

This was a relationship meant to last, meant to last forever, something eternal.  It was not time based, as other than the weekly practice of Sabbath time with our God (something they both looked forward to in a special way, also created before sin), marriage was an eternal construct.  This marriage was literally the anti-matter of porn.  Variety is not God’s idea of what is needed for sexual expression, rather continuity is, intimacy is.  Sexual expression was meant to be so personal, so intense, that only one other person could ever come to know you as deeply across every facet of your life, as to understand you in this way this well.  Security in knowing you belonged to a partner who was literally the other half of your life, brought a foundation to how you lived, that words could scarcely summarize into the term marriage or monogamy. 

Unity to nearly the point of sharing molecules, was the idea that went into a marriage meant to last in forever kinds of terms.  There would be no boredom.  For how could boredom dare survive the imagination of minds not encumbered with self-love, or the limits we place upon ourselves.  A pure service to others, in this case our spouse, was an effort that would occupy the imagination and the senses.  Creating joy for another was the full-time dedication of our existence, that would have neither end, nor limitations in its expression.  Purity, and complete dedication, innocence, and no plans to change it.   This is how marriage began, and how it was intended to last.  Never even a thought of having it end, or distracting it with something else.  No need.  Once perfection is attained, anything else is by definition, less. 

Had sin never emerged, there would be no divorce.  When sin is put to an end, divorce will be consumed with it, but marriage will not.  It will return to the state it was intended to be in, it’s original purist form between those who God heals for it.  Perhaps not all of us, perhaps so.  But what sin can damage, our Lord can remake, and repair.  This is the entire point of salvation itself.  Transformation is more than what happens within us, it is what happens to return institutions created before sin, to their original state, and perhaps us with them on an eternal basis.

Comparing that, to what we call marriage, is comparing brilliant light, to shadows in darkness.  We hardly have even the reflection of what was originally intended.  But we try.  And over time our ideas about marriage come to include a multiplicity that by definition must spoil the intimacy that God intended.  Multiplicity entertained by ancient Israel, fed only the self-love of men, at the expense of women, and to the detriment of what they still called marriage.  And over time our ideas then included the notion, of a do-over, of making a different decision about what forever means as we apply it to spouses.  Enter divorce.  Divorce too, was most often employed by men to cast aside women they no longer loved or wanted, in favor of something else.  The idea of starting over was never meant to be cast in this context, but self-love and selfishness can find a way to rationalize a great many things.  So it did.  Over time, our ideas about marriage had made it more contractual, subject to the tools of legal application, than a level of intimacy that would wish no deterrent. 

And Jesus enters the stage.  How sad He must of have been to witness the institution He created for the joy of mankind, twisted until it was a tool of Satan to destroy the entire creation of mankind.  Porn is only the external manifestation of what can exist within the heart of men and women, who do not understand why the continuity of intimacy is so much better.  Jesus sees what we have done to marriage, and how we butcher the term, and the application.  So He is driven to speak out.  Matthew records what Jesus had to say about our ideas of sexual expression in his gospel in chapter five and picking up in verse 27 he quotes Jesus saying … “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: [verse 28] But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

At this point not only are our motives made equal to our actions in the sight of God, now we can add “how” we look and think about a woman (or man if you are a woman).  To entertain the idea of what any form of sexual expression might be like with another person, even if only in the mind’s eye, has become the definition of lust.  It does not matter if the woman has contributed to this problem, by removing her clothing, taking an alluring pose, and offering a receptive look on the pages of a porn site; or whether she is appropriately modest and attempting no such ideas.  The state of the woman is not in question.  The reaction of the man is.  That the man would seek out women to visualize in this manner, has only to warp his imagination, and further promote the idea that women are mere biological objects, not people to be cherished.

To see, to imagine, to entertain the notion of variety, is to embrace porn and destroy marriage or our ability to enjoy it, through the corruption of sin.  We warp our thinking until intimacy is a long-lost casualty, and aggression is a close ally.  In those where intimacy has been decimated, a hunt begins, to find the next object we can perform our acts of biology upon.  The object of our expression becomes nothing more to us than a sack of meat.  What kind of meat begins to matter less and less, only that variety is maintained, and emotional attachment is never considered from the acts we perform.  There is no limit to what derangement may follow.  “Normal” is truly a subjective concept absent an external point of morality, such as the original template of marriage, or the Law of God that would sustain it, by reflecting back to us “who” we truly love.

The idea that these thoughts lead nowhere was put to rest immediately by Jesus as He continues in verse 29 saying … “And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. [verse 30] And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”  As men we are prone to visualization, though this is not completely in the province of men.  As humans, what we see influences what we think.  And most men take action (very often with their right hands) when considering what they have seen with their eyes, and have come to imagine in their minds.  Jesus points out here that choosing to focus on these things, and enact our lust, even if only on a “personal” basis, leads to a point where humans are sacks of meat, and God is an inhibitor of me making me happy.  Forget salvation, give me the here and now in a lust that has no abandon.  That degenerative path begins in the mind, and finds action in the hands.  And you thought porn was not mentioned in scripture.

Jesus continues in verse 31 saying … “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: [verse 32] But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.”  What Jesus describes here is a sequence of events, not a justification for divorce.  The sins listed are fornication and adultery, which both are effectively sex outside the confines of marriage.  Divorcing your wife, because you changed your mind, does not break the marriage vow from heaven’s point of view.  It takes greater sin to do that.  Abuse would do it.  Sexual promiscuity would do it.  But because you have changed your mind over time, is not enough to get it done.  So, just handing her a paper of divorce, makes the next man who attempts to marry her, an effective adulterer with her as the first bond still holds in the eyes of heaven.  By the way, it does not free the man to remarry either, he and his new wife also become nothing more than adulterers, not truly husband and wife.

This is not meant to be a legal clinic on divorce by Jesus Christ.  It is meant to reset our thinking on just what vowing forever means.  It is not something we should treat so lightly.  God can mend hearts, and put love there, when no love exists.  It is rather His specialty.  So marriages that might otherwise seem to have gone dead can be resurrected, when we are willing to put Jesus Christ back into them.  Even back into an otherwise dead sex life.  The true author of sex knows how to revive and remake a sex life that would stand the test of eternity.  He just needs your permission to do it.  It may involve re-teaching you everything you thought you knew.  From how you think about people generally, to how to make someone else happy during sex, never for a moment thinking about “your” needs.  Consider for a moment, in marriages following the original template, neither person is thinking about self, both are only obsessed with thinking of the other partner.  And the let fireworks begin to fly.

While we have twisted horribly the idea of marriage in our world, allowing Jesus to transform us, allows Jesus to transform what our marriages can be like.  They too, can begin to see radical improvement in the here and now.  What once seemed dead on the vine, can be resurrected and become so important to the two participants that life itself could not be imagined without the blessing of the marriage they have after Jesus.  It is long past due for porn to die in our thinking.  Not just our incessant visitation of sites on the internet when we think no one will catch us; but instead the notion that variety itself is better than the continuity of intimacy. 

Variety is not the spice of life where it comes to sex, it is the death of happiness.  Variety, and our quest to achieve it, births only pain to those we love, those who love us, and the circles of lives it reverberates through.  That is not increasing our fun, that is killing it.  But true transformation, where we submit even our sexual expression and desires to Jesus Christ, does not result in the death of sex.  But instead in a re-vitalization of a sex life that is based on self-less-ness and singularity.  It puts our sex life on a path ever upward, ever more interesting, ever more a gift to the singular partner who means more than life to us.  Only then does our imagination begin to consider what else could bring true joy to a partner we cherish.  Only when we allow Jesus to remain a part of our marriage and of our sex life, can we keep it free from sin, and on the course heaven would wish for us both.

And this same sermon was not over yet …

 

Broken Wedding Vows ...

There is a promise we intend to make only once.  There are vows we take before God and each other.  It is because of this that we call our promises sacred, and what we say, the very foundation of our honor.  To see our vows broken, is to see our humanity broken alongside them.  Should someone else betray their vow to us, that betrayal leaves a scar that seldom heals in full.  Its mark is carried with us, making us apprehensive to trust again, making us apprehensive to commit again.  In point of fact these are only words.  But the context of these words, the circumstances in which they are spoken, the witnesses to them … add up to a vow that becomes part of who we are.  And what happens to us when we are the one who breaks them?

Humans have no control.  We know we live at the whims of fate.  A tornado or extreme weather event could hit and radically change our perspective.  Cancer, AIDs, or heart disease can seem to come upon us out of the blue, and radically change our perspective.  Love itself can overwhelm us and make our lives something new, something entirely different.  So humanity must reduce its expectations of control to only the things we believe we can control, our words, and perhaps our actions.  We make promises.  We intend to keep them.  Should control not be lifted us, from circumstances that prevent it, we do keep them.  But if scripture teaches us anything, it teaches us that our promises founded in our strength are worth nothing.

This was to be the most painful lesson in the life of Peter.  It left a mark on him that colored his perspective, even many years later while recalling his gospel through his friend and transcriptionist John Mark.  Peter too had made a vow.  It was a vow taken before God, and a promise to God.  It was made in the company of witnesses, not just strangers mind you, but witnesses who lived with him day and night for a little more than three years.  These men knew Peter.  Jesus knew Peter.  And with this context, in a circumstance that was the most important setting he would ever face.  Peter made a vow.  It was more important that his wedding vow.  It was the most important one he would ever make, and strangely, it is the most important one you or I will ever make.

Peter begins his recollection to John Mark in his gospel picking up in chapter fourteen and verse 27 saying … “And Jesus saith unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep shall be scattered. [verse 28] But after that I am risen, I will go before you into Galilee.”  Jesus declares an ominous truth.  He prophesies again what is about to happen, not with conditions, but with clarity.  He predicts His own death, and He predicts it will happen beginning tonight.  He also predicts His own resurrection, and gives directions about where they will find Him once He is risen.  They can find Him again in Galilee, a place they remember fondly from mission work, and a home that offered them fishing on the sea there.  If Peter, like us, could have focused on the aftermath, on the reunion in Galilee perhaps all might have been well.  But he, like us, could not.

We see only the part of the text our minds are drawn too.  Peter is drawn to the circumstances Jesus’ prophecy will create.  That “all shall be offended” this night, and because of Him.  Jesus states in absolute clarity, that finally, the hopes of each one of the disciples that He would become the earthly king they surely thought would happen, will be dashed upon the rocks.  Each one of them will lose hope.  Each one of them will question their faith.  Did they really get it right?  After all, this Jesus will NOT be fulfilling the scriptures as defined by the leaders of the faith, or as hoped for in their own hearts.  This means the Jewish people will still be crucified.  This means the Jewish people will still be over taxed.  They will continue to suffer with not an ounce of relief.  How could a real Messiah allow that to happen, when He had the power to change it?

But to be offended by Him.  After all this time, to wind up offended by the Master he had left everything for, had left everything to follow.  No.  Not Peter.  His memory continues in verse 29 stating … “But Peter said unto him, Although all shall be offended, yet will not I.”  There it is.  There is boast of certainty.  There is the vow of a wedding.  There is the most sacred promise a human could make.  But the scary part, is that we make it too, almost exactly the same way, in almost exactly the same circumstances.  Peter says to his Lord, that while everyone else may get it wrong, he will not.  He declares that his brothers in Christ are not as mature as he is.  They may be offended, they may not understand scriptures as well as Peter, they may flee because of it.  But not Peter.  Not you or I.  We know more.  We know better.  We will stand with our God no matter what comes, or who is offended.  And we mean this vow too.

Jesus responds to his vow in verse 30 saying … “And Jesus saith unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this day, even in this night, before the cock crow twice, thou shalt deny me thrice.”  Jesus does not condemn his arrogance.  Jesus does not judge him as unworthy, or forever damned, or forever separated from Him because of what will come.  Jesus calmly explains to Peter, and to us, what his vow is worth.  In this day, in fact even in this night (the next 12 hours for Peter), Peter will fail at his vow not only once, but three times.  There it is.  There is the reality of our vow not to sin, of our vow to follow God.  We make it.  Then our sins, our weakness, break the vow we make multiple times in the same day our words are uttered.  What good is a wedding vow?  What good is a promise we make to love God, when it can be broken by us in heart, mind, and mouth, multiple times in a single day?

How can the Lord take our promise seriously?  Why should He?  Our problem, was Peter’s problem, separated by more than 2,000 years and yet identical in nature.  We promise something based on the strength of our will.  We then find that strength is nothing.  We then find only a short passage of time, leads to a dulling of our commitments, and a lure or “need” to forego them.  We state in front of others that we will be a follower of Jesus, then find ourselves sinning against Jesus multiple times just a bit later.  It is not a onetime event.  We do it repeatedly.  We then beg for forgiveness.  And perhaps come to a point, where we think “God” made me this way.  So it’s His fault.  It’s His fault I fail, so He must know it, and accept me in spite of my failures.  Maybe my failures are OK with Him after all.  His grace then becomes cheap to us.

But a vow is not so easily discarded.  For with a vow comes pride in who we are.  If we are going to break it, at least give us the courtesy of not thinking our words are so cheap they can be done away with in a single day, and multiple times in that day.  So thought Peter as he responds in verse 31 saying … “But he spake the more vehemently, If I should die with thee, I will not deny thee in any wise. Likewise also said they all.”  Peter ups the ante.  He does not accept what Jesus is saying.  He disputes it.  He disputes truth, the Truth.  So he raises his voice, deepens his tone, and makes his commitment even more fiercely.  He now adds to his vow, that even unto death he will honor it.  He will follow his Lord unto death no matter what.  His words now sound in our ears, for haven’t we said the same things, if not to God, then to other Christians so that they will “know” how holy we are.

At this point, mob thinking takes over.  The other disciples are not going to be shamed into letting Peter make so vehement a declaration, so meaningful a wedding vow, and them remain silent.  They join Peter’s vow themselves.  They add their own voice to it.  And mimic the words of it.  So do we.  One of our friends declares their voice or promise to follow God, and so do we.  Particularly if it is a group of our friends.  We do not want to be left out in the cold, alone.  We want to be part of the “team”.  So we add our voices to whatever vow is offered, for better or for worse.  Our passion is weaker, but present. 

We either do not want to be outdone by another, or do not want to be the only guy afraid of commitment at all.  So we all make the vow.  And even more important than what words we will say to our spouse in our wedding, we are making our vow right to the face of God.  Whether in our prayers, or as Peter did in front of Jesus, we are vowing ourselves to Jesus Christ.  And how often does Jesus know the sad truth?  He knows it every time.  For so far, our records remain imperfect every time.  Human strength is worth nothing, yet we continue to rely upon it.  Constantly making and breaking vows to God, destroys us inside, it hardens us until we have no more words to speak, or intentions to underlie them.  These actions hollow us, as they did Peter.

We should not be making vows.  Counsel was given us to simply let our yes mean yes, and our no mean no.  That counsel was insurance against the pride that comes when a vow is made.  It is insurance against the linking of honor to vows.  For once vows have been broken over and over again, our honor is destroyed when it need not be.  Better to recognize we have no honor in the first place.  Our honor, like our strength is reflected through us by Jesus Christ.  Our promises have no strength or longevity, if not maintained by Jesus Christ.  Our faith, and its condition, its strength, is a product of how much we humble ourselves and submit to Jesus Christ.  Christ can do all things in me, is not a testament about how much I help Jesus accomplish His work.  It is a testament about how little I can do, effectively nothing, and how Jesus does all things through me, because I can do none of them.

It is our illusion of control that gives way to making a solemn vow before God.  But if our vows to God are broken with such regularity, then how can anything we promise each other in front of God stand any better chance?  We must ground our commitments in the will and love of God, or make no commitments at all.  We must not promise anything, but ground our language in the will and love of God.  To learn to submit our responses, and our intentions through Jesus, is to trust Jesus to run our lives, our marriages, and our salvation.  Our transformations do not occur because we will them, but because we submit to them. 

But if we needed any proof of this, the recollections of Peter would provide ample examples as the story continues …

 

Perfected Marriage ...

Who will win the next SuperBowl is an annual topic of conversation in early January.  The answer of course is … “advertisers”.  It is said as many people tune in to see the game, as to watch the commercials presented during it.  It is one of the last “live” events on television where folks prefer NOT to use the DVR to avoid the ads, instead they want to enjoy it “live” with friends and family.  But to have a SuperBowl there has to be a fundamental understanding of the game, and how the game works.  Each team will attempt to win the game within the rules, using strategies they have practiced with each other within the rules.  Without this shared fundamental understanding of how the game of football is supposed to work, the SuperBowl looks a lot more like the PuppyBowl.  Imagine if the players entered the field, and when the ball was snapped, everybody just took off running in every direction both offense and defense into the stands, leaving the ball dropped where it was, and emptying the field completely.  This kind of nonsense would destroy the game of football pretty quick, in fact it would destroy any team sport.  And after 6,000 years of practicing marriage, that is precisely where we find ourselves, lacking a complete understanding of the fundamentals of the game.  We have left the ball on the field, and are running in every direction.  But this is something we could correct, if we could just listen to what marriage was all about … this time from its Author.

As it turns out, problems in marriage is not a new phenomenon to our day in age.  They date back quite a while (husbands might joke to the advent of women).  But Peter and the folks who lived in his day, had just as many questions, and appeared to lack knowledge just as much as us, about the fundamentals of the game.  So of course, the Pharisees decided this was a topic they could question Christ about, and “prove” He was not really the Messiah.  You see if Jesus got just one answer wrong, He would lose the game, and the people would stop listening to Him.  So periodically throughout His ministry, the Pharisees and Scribes would attempt to pick one of those “no win” questions to ask Christ.  No matter which choice He would pick, the answer could be proven wrong by them.  They continually setup choices for Jesus, either A or B, and whichever one He would pick, He would lose.  The problem for them of course, was that Jesus continued to answer in a way that expanded their knowledge of the law, and was neither A or B, but something entirely better.  And it was the Pharisees who would lose.

Peter begins relaying just such an incident to John Mark who transcribes it in his Gospel of Mark picking up in the tenth chapter in verse one saying … “And he arose from thence, and cometh into the coasts of Judaea by the farther side of Jordan: and the people resort unto him again; and, as he was wont, he taught them again.”  Jesus had moved very close to the territory of the Temple headquarters.  He had brought His visiting team on to home field of the Pharisees.  And as usual, the people came to see Him in droves.  It was no small irony that Jesus picked the place on the far side of the Jordan, where not too long ago, John the Baptist’s voice could be heard there bellowing to repent.  John the Baptist was considered no friend of the Pharisees either, calling them out publicly for their hypocrisy.  So this affront of Jesus “stealing” the attention of the people could not go unanswered.

Mark continues in verse 2 saying … “And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.”  The games had begun.  The Pharisees had asked Jesus a Yes or No question, they were not looking for a sermon, or to give Him a chance to expound upon an answer.  This is the reason why Peter specifically told John Mark this was a way for the Pharisees to be “tempting Him”.  If Jesus said yes, then the Pharisees could decry Jesus as being the “destroyer” of the family unit, and could persuade the people to listen no longer.  If Jesus said no, then the Pharisees could decry Jesus as not being practical, or in alignment with their traditions and laws.  Either way, they were set to pounce.  But Jesus would not so easily be drawn into this trap, instead He had in mind to teach them, and all in attendance something much deeper about marriage itself.  First, Jesus must examine them to determine where the state of marriage was in this time.

John Mark continues transcribing in verse 3 saying … “And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?”  Moses was the defacto “hero” of the Pharisees.  They used and misused everything Moses had ever said or done or written, to their own benefit.  So in asking them a question rooted in their hero, Jesus gets them to commit to where their own hearts were in this day, and the answer they would prefer it were up to them.  The Pharisees answer in verse 4 saying … “And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.”  Moses had indeed established this ability for the dissolution of marriage.  But in the days of Moses, or in the days of the Pharisees, or in ours, this was never supposed to be first option executed the first time 2 people discovered they did not agree on something.  However, that is what it had degenerated to in the time of the Pharisees and in ours.  There was no stigma in obtaining a divorce in the time of the Pharisees or in ours, it was rather a simple legal matter than anyone to seek and obtain with minimal personal inconvenience.  It was and is as easy as buying or selling property.  No one gave it a second thought.  If you wanted one you got one, period.  But this state of marriage reveals a fundamental lack of knowledge of what marriage really is. 

Jesus responds in verse 5 saying … “And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.”  Divorce, as it turns out, is NOT a pre-creation or before-the-fall concept.  It was NOT considered pre-sin, only post-sin.  Divorce is a recognition of the effect of sin on and within a marriage, it was a necessity because of the damage sin can cause, from abuse, to infidelity, to a lack of commitment, to disagreements we have not the patience to resolve with self-sacrifice.  This is why Moses recognized the “need” for an escape clause in marriage.  Women were not meant to be killed in the name of preserving their marriages.  And there are a host of legitimate reasons why divorce may be needed in our age, or in any age, but ALL of them fundamentally begin with either one party or the other, engaged in a sin of some sort.  Unrepentant sin is the hardest of all to endure in a marriage.  And each party has to decide how much they can endure, before separation through divorce simply makes more sense.  But if the hard-truth of Divorce is that it is a post-sin reality, that means Marriage is a pre-sin reality with no thought of divorce.

Thus Jesus begins His lesson about the fundamentals of marriage we have all forgotten in verse 6 saying … “But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.”  This is our Creator talking.  This is our God talking.  It was His choice to make not only our species, but nearly every species into the categories of male and female.  He did NOT have to do this, He chose to do this, by design.  He chose to do this with an eye to eternity.  This was NOT a result of our sin, unlike Divorce which recognizes the reality of the impact of sin upon us, our original structural design was “created” both male and female.  We were none of us meant to be alone.  We were all of us meant to have a companion that is not exactly like us, but like a jigsaw puzzle, compliments us, supports us, becomes the better half of who we are.  This entire phenomenon was established in our creation and in our design.  It was done this way prior to sin, not as a result of it.

Jesus continues in verse 7 saying … “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;”  Family units of old tended to stay together for nearly every reason.  Oh sure, in our age, children may go away to school, and strike out on their own in new jobs, but even so, they remain our babies.  But for ONE reason alone, do the children eventually really leave the nest since creation; for the sake of Marriage, which forms the fundamental basis of creating a NEW family unit.  I am my father’s son, and my mother’s son, UNTIL I am starting a family unit of my own, the point at which I am committing to be my wife’s husband.  At this point, my wife and the commitment we will share supersedes all other commitments even other familial ones.  At this point there is no such thing as momma’s boy or daddy’s girl, only husband and wife.  This is our Creator talking again.  It is our Creator, who is stating, that for the sake of marriage, we would leave behind our families, and “cleave” to our spouse.  Even the word cleave, implies a cutting away of the older heartstrings, to establish the newer ones.  This is our Creator establishing the priority of who we love in our lives.  Our spouse becomes THE most important person we will ever love, even more than we will love our own children.  The reason then must be something we have missed.

Jesus continues in verse 8 saying … “And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.”  There is something more here than the mechanics of sexual expression.  There is something far deeper and something that speaks to the fundamentals of the game.  In the ultimate act of intimacy between husband and wife is formed the physical manifestation of becoming “one”.  In this, we lose our identity of self, willingly joining it, to the identity of us as one unit.  I am no longer me, a half of who I used to be.  I am now only complete when I am we, established, rooted, and grounded as a whole, only when you consider my wife who comprises my better half.  When you look at her, you should see me there as well, bound to her, part of her.  Each of us inseparable to the other because we no longer think in terms of one being, but of two joined to be one.  To hurt her, is to destroy me.  To injure me, is to wound her.  We react as one, we unite as one, we have the same goals.  Our individual strengths are lent to the unit of one who we become.  Our individual weaknesses are covered by the one who has chosen to join with us.  One flesh, is not something that happens a few times a week, late at night, when both of you can find the time.  It is something that changes who you are, to the core of you.  It is a commitment to change who you are, by accepting your other half and integrating it into your very soul.

In the physical act or the singular union, where two consent to become one, is ONLY where the act of pro-creation can occur.  We are created in the image of our God, with imaginations of our own, with creativity of our own, with artistry.  We can make great contributions to our world and our society unleashing the gifts we have been given alone throughout our lives.  But our very existence can only occur, when two have consented to become one.  The act of bringing another new life into the universe was meant for us to share with our God.  We pro-create and borrow the elements needed from two humans to form a new one.  The formation of that new life will take time, and care, and sometimes may not reach its true human potential (either before birth or after it).  But it cannot begin, it cannot be instantiated without the materials required from the union of two becoming one.  In the process of a union this close, is born the joyful act of pro-creating a new life.  It was intended to be a three-way partnership with our God.  It was meant to draw our eyes back to Him, and to teach us the love of a parent, so much like the love He has for each of us.

Marriage is about as much a contract about property rights, as the library of Congress is about a single book.  This is the part of the fundamentals we have lost, an understanding about just how deep our choice will go into who we are.  The kind of intimacy our Creator is talking about is where two individuals become one family unit, just like He is with His Father.  They are One, yet separate and distinct entities. They choose to be One, of like mind, and of like goals, yet different.  They form our One God, yet we know them to be three entities.  In our marriage we are two entities, separate and distinct, but in our choice to wed, we are giving up half of ourselves to make room for our new half.  We are no longer referring to ourselves in a singular reference, because we are no longer singular, but plural.  In this context, there is no such thing as my money, or her money, there is only our money; which should be used for the benefit of the one I love most.  In this context, there is no such thing as a decision over which I should exert authority because of my preference.  I have no preference, but that which is ours.  In this context, there is no disunion between mom and dad where junior is concerned, her word is my word, and my word is her word.

The level of intimacy described here is a joining of minds far deeper than one we have ever considered before.  It is a sacrifice of self, far deeper than we have ever pondered before.  It is a union much closer than we have ever pondered before.  If what our Creator describes was the union Adam and Eve experienced before sin, and though scarred even after sin; do we imagine for a moment that Adam would have considered wanting a Divorce from Eve because life was hard?  He gave up perfection for Eve.  He broke trust with God over Eve, because she was so much a part of who he was.  When she died, he would look for no other replacement “spouse” because in his thinking death was not a get out of jail free card, it was a momentary delay before they could be reunited again.  The marriage of Adam and Eve was meant to be eternal.  The institution of marriage was meant to be eternal.  Divorce will one day pass away, as will all sin, but marriage was pre-sin, and will stand.  Consider what our Creator has to say about it …

Jesus continues in verse 9 saying … “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”  Marriage or the joining of two into one was something God established, what our Creator did for us, as evidenced by our very design, in male and female entities.  Let not man put asunder, or in other words, let not man think he is able to so casually mess it up.  There is no time constraint on this.  If marriage were an obsolete concept Jesus could have told us that.  If marriage too, were only valid in this world, and needed due to sin, Jesus could have told us that too.  He did not.  He did not lump in marriage with the need for divorce.  Instead, He puts the eternal stamp of God on it.  Marriage or the joining of two people into a single unit, was meant to be something that lasts beyond sin, beyond this world.  In that case, the death of my better half, is not a valid reason to seek another replacement unit.  The weakness of mankind may necessitate this, but the intent of marriage did not.  Death is a momentary interruption from my proximity to the half of me that was torn away, it is NOT the dissolution of my marriage.

What man has put asunder is staggering.  Because we treat marriage so casually as only a sex partner, and equity partner, we divorce and remarry like breathing.  But in so doing, we have never really married.  We have agreed to share some portions of our lives, but never agreed to let go the half of who we are, to become blended with someone else.  To adopt their likes and preferences, to share who we are to the point of blending souls, thinking as one, loving as one, living as one.  Instead our society (and the enemy who fosters it), teaches us to maintain our identity, never sacrificing it for ANYONE, not husband or wife.  Our society would have us leave our families and go on journeys to find out who we are.  Our society would have us destroy intimacy in the name of self-reliance.  But to sacrifice to another person so wholly that nothing is withheld, to love so deeply that another is always first in our eyes, to think of another person as the part of ourselves that makes us better, makes us complete – this is the ideas of marriage our Creator had in mind.  And He had them in mind on an eternal basis, not just a temporary one.  It is our weakness that introduced the need for replacements.  It is because we do not truly become one flesh in the core of who we are, that we maintain the idea of 2 people with 2 distinct persona’s sharing only for a while what is convenient to share.

But this lesson was not quite over.  John Mark continues in verse 10 saying … “And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. [verse 11] And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. [verse 12] And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.”  The laws in the days of the Pharisees were treating something so intimate as something very casual (sound familiar).  What Jesus explains to his disciples later on this topic, is that one cannot make this kind of commitment and just later casually change your mind about it.  One who has known this level of intimacy cannot walk away from it and just find another partner.  Whether woman or man, the mechanics of sex with someone else, forms the basis for adultery.  The intimacy that marriage intends is not a casual, multiple choice kind of scenario.  It is a one time, no room for anybody else scenario.  It is a reformation of who we are to become blended with another, that is not something easily redone.

When we reach heaven our Creator will have put right, the scenarios our sin and our weakness have put asunder.  Our Creator will have to heal the hearts of those that are split, and broken, and betrayed.  The establishment of marriage, though wounded by man, has not been destroyed entirely by us, or our sin.  It simply needs a restoration that our Creator is capable of both here, and in the world to come.  Those who believe they love more than one love, can find joy in loving only the one our Creator would have us love.  Our design is not being altered upon going to heaven.  We were created as man and woman and will remain so.  The institution of marriage is not being obliterated by our sins, but it will need repair.  But if we were to see our marriages become perfected here we must follow the same path we follow to see our characters become perfect.  We must learn to submit ourselves to Jesus, and allow Him to change the core of who we are, to want different things, to love in a different way.  The married ones of us, will find a deeper love and a deeper intimacy with our spouses in this process.  We may even learn to have perfected marriages in this world ahead of the one to come.  We may find our goals too become eternal, and not just for the brief time we occupy this world.  We may even find the unity of the One God in the one person we become, sharing that level of unity and love for others, so that when other see either of us, they see both of us perfectly blending into one flesh.  And His love shining through that perfect blend.