On the Edge of Brokenness ...

How many in a crowd go unnoticed?  Who might you know, that carries the crushing weight of loneliness?  It is our isolation to blame, some we have chosen, some beyond our control.  But when we feel separated, and alone, the weight begins to mount until it is so great it is beyond our words to describe.  TV is only distraction from it.  The internet makes it worse.  Our smart phones do nothing to alleviate it.  People behind electronic screens are the not the same as people who can offer a hug when a you might trade your entire world for a hug.  Tactile contact is so precious infants will die without it, and perhaps this need never goes away.  So it must not surprise you, that your enemy looks to segregate you from all human contact if he can.  And then feed you only poisoned human contact if he must.  To destroy someone, you must begin by isolating them away from any source of love.  Distract them if you can.  Cause them to become someone hard to love if you are able.  Turn our “needs” into expressions of selfishness that make it impossible for others to break through in exactly the right way.  Make us the thorns on the rose bush instead of the flowers.  All a part of an insidious plan to break what was never intended to be broken.  Which begs the question, how do we undo it?

At creation, it was not good for humanity to be alone.  And because of the dangers of Satan, it was not ever good for man to separate and face him alone.  Alone we would be vulnerable, together we could draw some limited strength from each other, perhaps if only, to remind each other to seek the protection of God.  To focus our mind’s eye on the source of love that never runs dry, and shares an intimacy with us on a level so deep we can scarcely fathom it.  Perhaps the greatest reason why “church” should remain important to us, is this one.  In the body collective, we socialize with those who have varying degrees of knowledge of, and experience with, the love of God.  We can through that socialization encourage each other, provide love to each other, and refocus attention back to the source of all love.  We are never too far from Him, who loves us so much.  We are in fact, not alone.  Church provides us a venue to witness this.  Not through what we can gain from the going, but from what we can give in the serving.  It is by reaching out, by serving, that we are reminded of the needs of others – and taught we may be able to reflect His love in tactile form to meet those needs.

But for my conservative friends who believe “church” is the answer, rather than the opportunity to shower love at the church venue, I offer the continuing account of Matthew in his gospel to his contemporaries’ chapter 26.  So many of us lie on the edge of brokenness.  What we need are not just words of love, but deeds and demonstrations of love.  We need to share these with others.  We need to see them shared in our own lives.  Church should be a venue for this.  But if church has become ceremony, then that opportunity goes away.  Worse, if church has become only celebration events, we are distracted to forget the purpose of sharing love altogether.  And worse still, if church has become a mirror to reflect an unforgiving law, largely made up of the interpretations of man, love has left the building entirely.  Jesus found himself alone, in a church of the latter, though this was never his desire or intent.  Jesus created a religion designed to understand the price of forgiveness, to drive our hearts to love and thus the diminishing need for continued forgiveness.  But ceremony had replaced transformation of hearts.  And church had degenerated until the misuse of the Law was now on display for all to see.

This lesson of church evolution in the time of Christ, was meant to help us avoid its reptition in our own day; but that lesson seems to be lost on us.  Judas and Peter, founding members of the next, new church, had found themselves both in isolation by choice.  They needed each other, both for different reasons, but both in need of love and comfort they might have offered each other if they had remained together.  Instead Judas found himself totally alone unable to humble himself to admit his mistakes and seek the comfort of church, the collection of the body.  Peter chose to be alone, hoping to lose the disguise of church, and be only one man in the crowds of the world.  Peter wanted to blend in and be unnoticed.  From this position he could watch, and see what he dreaded to see, but needed to see for the sake of closure if nothing else.  If his faith in the Messiah was misplaced, he needed to know it.  If Jesus was to die like every other would-be Messiah died, he needed to see it.  This way he could look for another.  In his isolation his faith was wounded greatly, and no one was there to offer comfort, or encouragement.  Church we hold at fixed times, in fixed venues, does nothing to solve this problem even today.  We would need to think of church differently and more fluidly today if a solution is to be found that meets needs of the struggling in real time.

Matthew continues with the story, of the results of betrayal – not just of Judas at this point – but of a church that has forgotten its only real purpose; to show the love of God to all.  Matthew now recounts what his church had devolved to in the last days of the ministry of Jesus before He dies.  It begins in verse 57 saying … “And they that had laid hold on Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled. [verse 58] But Peter followed him afar off unto the high priest's palace, and went in, and sat with the servants, to see the end.”  Jesus is not just being taken to some random local church on a bender from what the establishment dictates.  He is being taken to the home of the establishment, to the pinnacle of church leadership, where only the top people in the nation will decide his fate.  Popes, archbishops, priests, pastors, elders; pick your title of church leadership in today’s vernacular – it is these people that will decide the fate of our God, if he is to live or die.  But ALL of them are already bent on his death.  They are now only looking for an excuse, ahem, that is to say, a legal justification to see that outcome.  Mercy is unknown to them.  Love a mystery they may only claim to shower on their families, but for “heretics”, it is wholly absent.

Peter goes into the palace of the high priest.  Note that even back in the days of Jesus, the church leadership does not seem to want for a place to live, nor for servants, or food.  Being paid to lead the church of God has transcended being sustained, into being well-to-do, and all of it, in the name of a God who desires mercy more than all else.  Still today, so many church leaders, have made this compromise with themselves never remembering for a moment what the privilege and wealth of Caiaphas might have done to influence his thinking in these proceedings.  But Peter has not gone to his house to bring the good news of Jesus Christ as the Messiah and Savior of us all.  Instead Peter hopes to slip in un-noticed.  Peter does not want to preach there, he wants to participate through witness of what takes place there.  He will do nothing to call attention to himself as he is “undercover” in the world.  How many of us are no different?  We choose isolation from the church, and then go undercover into the world.  We wish no one to know of our Christianity, because we do not want the burden of having to love others, and treat them kindly.  If no one knows we are a Christian, then how we treat others is up to us, with no stain on religion … only a stain on our hearts and souls.  But as we remain undercover from the source of love, we also embrace isolation from it, and further segregate ourselves from any source of comfort.

Matthew continues the story in verse 59 saying … “Now the chief priests, and elders, and all the council, sought false witness against Jesus, to put him to death; [verse 60] But found none: yea, though many false witnesses came, yet found they none. At the last came two false witnesses, [verse 61] And said, This fellow said, I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to build it in three days.”  In Jewish law, it took at least two witnesses to establish the truth of a thing.  So in theory, a person, particularly a preacher, who teaches heresy should easily have had more than two witnesses to their crimes.  But instead of finding actual witnesses.  The church leadership looked for, (and paid) false witnesses, to make stuff up.  This is the prosecution (who also happen to be the judges), paying for purgered testimony to fix the trial.  And STILL it does not work.  Mosty because what one witness lies about, another undoes with his own lies.  And at the end of it all, they have nothing, despite the rather large cash payments lost for another result.  And they are livid.  The church has chosen to kill God, rather than listen, and they are now ready to break the Law to get there to accomplish it.

Any defense attorney could easily have wiped the floor with these witnesses, and consequently with this mock trial.  Any defense attorney could have gotten the whole thing dismissed.  And where was Judas, watching silently from the audience hoping still that Jesus would rise up call down those 12 legions of angels and kill these fools?  And where was Peter, not breaking cover to step forward and offer his services as the defense attorney for Christ.  In fact, none was provided.  Peter could have stepped in, and at least tried to defend Jesus when it counted.  But fear kept Peter silent and alone.  Does fear of rejection still keep you silent and alone?  Does fear of having odds stacked against you, by powerful people, keep you silent when if nothing else you could at least offer words of encouragement to one in need.  It would not have changed the outcome of that trial, but Peter attempting to defend Jesus would have greatly mended the heart of Christ.  But Jesus already knew what Peter was going to do, or rather not do.  Even when Peter had pledged his life in opposition to his real actions, or rather lack of action.  Instead Jesus stood alone without representation.  At last 2 people agreed about the statements of Jesus in regards to the Temple.

Matthew continues the account in verse 62 saying … “And the high priest arose, and said unto him, Answerest thou nothing? what is it which these witness against thee? [verse 63] But Jesus held his peace. And the high priest answered and said unto him, I adjure thee by the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be the Christ, the Son of God.”  Throughout this farse of a church trial, conducted by church leadership, and without any notion of what church is about – Jesus remained silent.  Is it still so today?  When our church has become ceremony, or celebration, or an in-depth analysis of the interpretation of the Law, might Jesus still remain silent?  Or are we so noisy with our opinions at our events, we are simply unable to hear Him.  Perhaps so busy “praising” Him in song, we have mezmorized ourselves into such a hypnotic state we have forgotten that trying to hear Him was even an option.  We tell ourselves these are our ideas of church; yet are mystified when Jesus appears silent throughout our farse.  But He was there, waiting and hoping that just one soul might break with tradition and reach out to one other soul in need, offering to be a reflection of His love.  When that occurs, the voice of Jesus can be heard, in the tears of gratitude of one who was being crushed by loneliness, and now can see relief.  Judas could have given this to Jesus, but remained silent in church.  Peter could have done the same, but chose to remain silent as well.

The High priest is desperate.  He knows the words of Jesus regarding the destruction of the Temple, while not popular, are also not a crime.  So he has only one option left, to get Jesus to publicly state His identity.  For a man to claim to be God is blasphemy.  It still is.  The only time this is untrue, is when God claims to be God.  The High Priest knows Jesus is God, but also knows He can use the law to get him stoned or killed for this offense.  Knowing the truth hardly stops a determined church leadership from doing what it wants to do, even if that is killing God.  The silence has been deafening up to now from Jesus.  So the High Priest demands by the living God to answer his question.  There is no choice now.  When compelled under these terms Satan must answer, demons must answer, angels must answer.  It is a way to sort out who is who.  If the desperation of your loneliness has driven you to seek out souls who have departed from this world for comfort, ask them using these same words who they truly are – but be prepared for an answer you will not enjoy.  Yet it is not God’s intent for you to find comfort from demons in masquerade, but from imperfect living humans who are willing to share His heart and reflect His love.

Jesus is compelled to answer picking up in verse 64 saying … “Jesus saith unto him, Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.”  Jesus is God.  He sits at the right hand of the Father.  And when He returns it will be in power, coming in the clouds of heaven for the entire world to see.  But in this case, Jesus tells the High Priest he will see Him come in this way.  Now we have the benefit of hindsight.  We know that the persecution of Jesus did not end at the cross by the Jewish leadership.  They sought to detroy the faith after Jesus was resurrected and returned to heaven.  They killed believers, chased them, followed them, and attempted to kill any who would not conform.  Jews killing Jews.  So modern Christians interpret this promise as a threat by Jesus.  We believe it will require a “special resurrection” of this High Priest and perhaps those at that trial, in order to see Jesus second coming – even though none of them will be going to heaven with Jesus at that time.  This is certainly one possibility.

But I would offer for consideration one other possibility with even more hope in it.  Murders do go to heaven (forgiven ones that is).  Betrayers of our Lord go to heaven (witness Peter who we all believe fell into this category).  And yes, the only requirement is a change of heart to seek the forgiveness of our Lord to see this happen.  It can even happen in the last moments of a criminal’s life (like the theif Jesus will be meeting and dieing next to in only a little while).  While the life of this High Priest and the Jewish church leadership in this time is horrific, it is not beyond redemption.  It is possible that forgiveness could have been sought without the pages of scripture to document it, perhaps even to know of it.  If that forgiveness was finally sought, then this High Priest would be joining the resurrection of the righteous like any other forgiven murderer and betrayer of our Lord.  In this scenario Caiaphas could be your next-door neighbor in heaven, having both of you witness the second coming of Jesus in power and glory.  For Caiaphas sake, I hope this is what Jesus meant.  What I have come to know, is that it is not my place to judge, or to invent interpretations of scripture to fit what is commonly believed.  Instead it is to long for the soul of Caiaphas as I would long for the soul of my own son; to love this criminal of history as much as I would love my only son.  For that is the love of Jesus for Caiaphas, for me, and for my son.

But at this time in his life Caiaphas was not of a forgiving or merciful spirit, he was running the footsteps of Satan and fully doing Satanic will.  All it takes for any of us to be found this way, is to abandon mercy and love, and pick up the banner of a demand for justice against those in the wrong.  Satan does that every day.  Matthew continues in verse 65 saying … “Then the high priest rent his clothes, saying, He hath spoken blasphemy; what further need have we of witnesses? behold, now ye have heard his blasphemy. [verse 66] What think ye? They answered and said, He is guilty of death.  [verse 67] Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands, [verse 68] Saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?”  Caiaphas is more alone now than perhaps he will ever be, even if he is in church, and surrounded by those of like belief.  But absent service, absent mercy, and absent love – this church is nothing but the playyard of Satan himself.

But Caiaphas is not the only one there is who is totally alone regardless of the crowd size.  Judas hears this verdict and finally realizes there will be no coming back from this.  Peter hears it outside, but it is during the proceedings that Peter chooses to embrace isolation through denial.  Of him Matthew tells the story picking up in verse 69 saying … “Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee. [verse 70] But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest.”  Peter has been recognized as a companion of Jesus by the damsel.  Having been caught, he could have now gone inside and tried to be the defense attorney of Jesus, or at least stood by Him during this trial.  He does not.  He lies in order to stay isolated (and safe).  Peter walks down the razor’s edge of brokenness, and instead of giving up isolation and running to Jesus; he lies and embraces further solitude.

Matthew continues in verse 71 saying … “And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth. [verse 72] And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man.”  Peter is recognized again by another maid (no shortage of servants in the home of High Priest, wealth buys many of them).  Peter had changed location in the mansion, but still with no luck.  He is found out again.  There is still time to comfort Jesus is His isolation.  But rather than accept the inevitable and offer service to Someone else in the greatest of need, Peter doubles down on the lie, this time making a solemn oath of his denial.  Vows like this were said to be irrevocable and unbreakable to the point of death.  Essentially the man who said he was willing to die to remain by Jesus only a few hundred feet away, was now pledging to die rather than ever having known Jesus at all.   Both were the promises of men.  Both were lies under pressure.  Both should tell us what our promises are worth today.

Matthew continues in verse 73 saying … “And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee. [verse 74] Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew. [verse 75] And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.”  Now to further affirm his isolation, Peter adds swearing to his list of crimes to prove he is not a Christian.  The sons of thunder earned their name from language like this.  When the rooster begins to crow, the words of prophecy of Jesus have been fulfilled.  The rooster affirms the isolation Peter has chosen for himself, cutting himself off from the source of all love. 

And are we any different?  We walk on a path at the edge of brokenness, and when confronted we deny any connection to Jesus, and further deepen our isolation.  For we have developed a great need to be served and abandoned all ideas of service ourselves.  We wish church to be a “place” where we go to fill our needs; not a concept of brotherhood that never turns off, demanding mercy and love from us even for those that are hard to love.  We look to end our isolation in front of screens that put no real demands upon us, and are surprised when this is not enough.  The weight of loneliness is real.  Its ability to crush our spirit is real.  The remedy is real as well.  But is not found in what we discover that meets our needs, but in the discovery when we meet the needs of others. 

In meeting the needs of others, we lose the needs we thought we had for ourselves.  Other priorities combined with the love of God, begin to open up the very words of Jesus in our ears, and make them real as if spoken in audible form.  The selfish heart is not too keen on this answer.  The untransformed heart will find it does not have the strength to grasp it.  But the heart that is willing to submit itself before Jesus to be remade, and re-created, will find it comes naturally.  And loneliness will become a thing of the past, and a burden no more.  Many solutions to loneliness present themselves, but only one is permanent.  Because only one changes who you are, puts you in harmony with God, and teaches you to see the infinite value of God’s treasure – namely others - for what and who they are.