Marriage for Dummies 101 ...

There is no reason to seek Christian council or advice while our marriages represent all the same evil found in the world around us. If we are not drawing strength and comfort from our marriages, then we have nothing to offer others in the way of advice. It is time for a fundamental change in the most core relationship we are ever going to have on planet earth. It is time we abandon the language of Marriage and take back the meaning of Marriage so that our lives are visibly altered by what we do. In short, it is time our marriages make a difference, or we should not consider ourselves as married at all.

It begins and ends with intimacy. The entire structure of a marriage relationship was created by God to give man a living illustration of the kind of intimacy and joy our God wishes to experience with each of us. We have lost complete sight of this and have focused our attention on marriages on ourselves (sound familiar?). In so doing we write God out of the picture entirely, or put Him on such a back burner we only consult Him in times of great distress. This is the first part of our thinking that must change in order for marriage to regain its true meaning. Intimacy was the lesson. Intimacy with God was the original goal and can be again. As our God is represented as one God in three manifestations, so our marriages were designed to unite 3 entities in singular purpose. Marriage in effect, is a symbol of the Godhead, and COULD function in a similar way if we allow it to.

There is a meat company that used to advertise their hot dog products by saying … “We’re Hebrew National, we answer to a higher authority.” The intent was to convey that the typical rules of the USDA certifications for their beef hot dogs were not nearly enough for the quality standards of this company, as God was its supposed authority figure. The analogy applies well to our thinking on marriage. We have allowed social convention to define our marriages. We have allowed the laws enacted in family courts to define our marriages. We have allowed television to give us images of Ozzie and Harriett, Desperate Housewives, and Modern Family – to begin to define our marriages. And so we have settled for the constraints they have to offer, instead of going back to the source of all marriages, and to seek the meaning of marriage in the first place. Our marriage was supposed to tell us something of our God.

But how do creatures who are raised in different backgrounds, by different parents, with different genetic leanings and inclinations, become perfectly united in purpose in a relationship located in our real world? This almost seems like too high a goal to shoot for these days. We have been taught that it is unattainable. So we drift into the myths of 50/50 relationships, give AND take, compromise. But is this how the Godhead works? Does God the Father become the authoritarian figure and mandate what will occur over the whining objections of His child, and nagging protests of the Holy Spirit – NO! They are perfectly united in purpose. But then, They are not burdened with the curse and disease of self interest. They are in fact the antidote for self interest. And as such can agree on how to best serve, as the discussions are not ever about what can be gained, but on what can be given. Our marriages as symbols of this Holy Trinity could learn much by refocusing the same ways.

In practical terms it is impossible for humans of such vast differences to come together perfectly, until they are willing to submit to the Lord. There are then no successful marriages of 2 beings, only successful marriages of 3. God Himself becomes the uniting focal point of any marriage. God Himself not only seals the bonds of marriage during the ceremonial process on our wedding day, He actively is invited to participate in the daily decisions and actions of our union for as long as it exists. He cannot be placed on a back burner only to be thought about in crisis, He must be placed on the forefront, at the lead of every crucial crossroads. His council constantly thought of, His guidance sought by both when natural differences arise, His forgiving Spirit invoked when the pain of self-interest cuts its scars in the bonds that unite us. Our God must become an active part of our thinking when we consider what marriage truly is. Once we bend our will to His, it is possible for that which is different, to become that which is united in perfection. Our perfection is found only in our God, without Him, we struggle for mediocrity at best.

It begins and ends with Intimacy. Intimacy implies trust, love, commitment, unity, and permanence. How can I truly experience intimacy if I hold you at bay emotionally because I am afraid of being hurt? The commitment of marriage itself should allay this fear. How can I trust you to be faithful to me with so many who will seek you out for selfish purposes of the flesh? Submission of your will to Christ, will allow our God, our third party to the marriage, to keep you from the harm evil would seek to inflict. I do not have to trust your human weakness, I can put my faith in His divine leadership and intervention. How do I know you will love me in the many years to come? I know it as surety, because the author of ALL love is the center of our lives, thoughts, hopes, and aspirations. We are never far from an overflowing fountain of love, as we build our lives in concert with Him. In short, no human can promise the kinds of things that make a marriage last. But God has already a proven track record of delivery of all of these to us individually, and will continue His perfection in our marriages if we but return to basing them entirely upon His will and not our own.

Our marriages were intended for so much more than any TV portrayal has yet to proffer. The state making laws about marriage makes as about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine. The state makes laws about property rights, not marriages. The state makes laws about violence, not about marriages. The state makes laws about equality, not marriages. We comply with state laws as it is our duty to do, but the state has no idea what it is like to experience the perfection of unity, or the beauty of intimacy. There are no laws, no poems, no songs, no speeches that can begin to define the peace that can be drawn from love that has no end. When we submit our wills, we open doors to a marriage that words can scarcely describe. When we replace God in our unions of 3 to His rightful position, our marriages become bonded with the glue of heaven, and rely no more on human weakness or wisdom. This is the beginning of truth. It begins and it ends with intimacy.