Physical Intimacy ...

Could you have sex in front of God? Most people do not relish this idea, though upon consideration we realize we all do it. If there is even the mildest discomfort in the idea of having intercourse in the presence of God it should quickly beg the question - why? Is it our nudity, or our passion that makes us uncomfortable? Is it our thoughts that betray us? Are we selfishly engaged or selflessly engaged? Are we trained to think this act requires privacy that even God would not be welcome within?

God created us, and knows every inch of our bodies. He knows what our faces look like in the mirror after a shower and a shave, and He knows what we smell like when covered in waste we could not control. We like to think that God only pays attention to us when we are “normal.” We like to think He is not watching so closely when we are naked, vulnerable, sick, pathetic, going to the bathroom, or engrossed in self-inflicted pain. But He is there, no matter the condition we are in. He sees all and knows everything about us. The fat we try to hide, the wrinkles or blemishes we try to cover, the hair we comb over, He knows about all of it. Our concept of privacy is good when applied to each other, but meaningless when applied with God.

Before we can begin to grasp the lesson we are learn from the creation of physical intimacy, we must return God to the position He must hold in our marriages and in our lives. We should not be embarrassed that our Lord created intercourse, or that we have the desire to engage in it. This was His design, His creation, His intentions. Who are we to criticize? Married couples should not experience guilt in coming together physically as guilt was not at all a part of His perfect creation. Embarrassment and guilt are indications that what you have learned about physical intimacy probably lacks the intimacy part of the equation.

What makes your partner happy? I do not limit the scope of my question to simply physical contact, rather I include everything under the sun. For me, it is root beer to drink with lots of ice in a huge cup, a simple pleasure. My current kidney stone would probably argue the merits of root beer with me, and right now it would decidedly win the fight, but in time when the pain has subsided I am likely to return to drinking what makes me happy. My wife, without asking or prompting, can find my large glass, clean out the remnants of my last drinking venture, fill it with ice, poor the root beer over it, and bring it to me wherever I happen to be. This simple random act of kindness reflects a level of intimacy others would hardly appreciate. In the scheme of things, bringing me a soda is NOT such a big deal. Compared with say, world peace, who cares? But to me, the act is neither small nor meaningless. It is as big as the great outdoors, for you see; it is my great fondness for root beer that truly drives my appreciation for the kindness she has done. It means more to me, than great wealth, or even the same thought but with Coke instead of root beer.

It is the fact that she notices which drink I prefer. It is the fact that she takes action without prompting. It is the fact that she brings me the drink I want, not the one she wants, not the one on sale, not the one already opened, not the one closest and easiest for her to get. But the one I want. She does this for me, and inside my mind I am a king whose throne can hardly be seen with the naked eye. It sounds stupid to other mere mortals, but they miss the point. It is the level of intimacy between us that allows her to know when to offer such a kindness. It is her attention to the details of what makes me happy. This is why intimacy is the precursor to physical contact. This is why intimacy is the goal of physical contact, not the result of it.

With the wills fully submitted to Christ, we enter our bedrooms with the sole purpose of discovering what pleases our partners in the physical realm. Do not be misled to think that only sexually explicit contact is what can make a partner happy. Massage of tired muscles and aching joints or head can sometimes be as rewarding as any other type of physical contact. Beyond the mere realm of intercourse, intimacy is much broader than what we have conceived of. Achieving intimacy takes effort. It takes attention to details. It takes active observation. It records success and notes failure without criticism but with education in mind. It is specific as it is based on an individual – one individual – your partner and only your partner. We must not fail to allow our partner to discover what truly makes us happy, nor divert our attention from the full goal of determining what brings them joy. This is the beginning of intimacy, not of orgasm.

When orgasm is not the goal, or the yardstick to measure the quality of intimacy by, a new kind of relationship is possible. One that is MORE rewarding, not less. The physical response of an orgasm will definitely bring one momentary joy, but it is decidedly not the only thing that can. I am fairly certain I have had at least as many root beers as orgasms in my life, and I can enjoy them in public venues (the root beers that is). I am not trying to make an equal comparison but simply to note that there are a great many ways to demonstrate love, and to achieve intimacy that transcend just our physical needs. All of these other methods do not lessen the intensity of our physical experiences, they in fact enhance them. When bringing each other pleasure on any level, becomes our life goal and daily routine, the stress of the world melts away. Husbands and wives look forward to getting home from work, as home becomes a solace from the world. The home where service is the priority is one filled to overflowing with joy that has no end. The demands that weaken our body and mind placed on us at work are lifted by the tender caring attention of a spouse who finds joy in the lifting. But this is only possible when human will and weakness is submitted to God and replaced by divine strength, guidance, and wisdom.

The complete lessening of stress by daily attention to intimacy removes the many mental barriers that affect our “sex” lives. Neither men nor women are quickly able to walk away from daily stress and think romantic thoughts of physical intimacy at the flip of a switch. But when intimacy is the yardstick of quality in a marriage, patience is made manifest, concern for another becomes paramount, and stress itself becomes the casualty of the day. With stress defeated, or reduced to a far lesser role, physical contact becomes much more viable, and in fact wanted. But to maintain a life of service, is to maintain a submission of the will to Christ, and a trust that the 3rd party to our union is always faithful in His role to reform and renew what must be done in our minds and souls.